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17 Breathtakingly ’90s Photos Of ESPN Soccer Analyst Alexi Lalas

Dude.

This is Alexi Lalas. If you’re watching the World Cup this summer, you’re going to see a lot of him on ESPN.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

And if that’s the only photo you’ve ever seen of Alexi Lalas, you’re probably thinking: He seems nice! Even, dare you think, clean cut.

But stare into that face once more. Give it a good look.

Behind that layer of stubble is an undeniable truth: Alexi Lalas is a man of the 1990s.

Or to be more specific: This man WAS the 1990s.

WARNING: WHAT FOLLOWS ARE GRAPHIC IMAGES OF THE 1990s, AND MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ANYONE WHO OCCASIONALLY LONGS FOR A BARENAKED LADIES REUNION TOUR.

1. Let’s start with that hair, shall we?

Stephen Dunn / Getty Images

2. That extremely 1990s hair — hair that flows like the river bends.

Jamie Squire / Getty Images

3. Can you even tell the difference between Alexi Lalas and the lead singer in the Spin Doctors? CAN YOU EVEN TELL WHICH IS WHICH??

Stephen Dunn / Getty Images

 

4. And what about that beard?

Mike Powell / Getty Images

5. That majestic mane of a beard.

Todd Warshaw / Getty Images

6. With hair like that, and a beard like that — and a denim-inspired jersey like THIS — who was to stop Alexi Lalas from owning the 1990s?

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

7. Who was to stop him from, say, dressing as General George Custer for a photo shoot before a friendly vs. England?

Stephen Dunn / Getty Images

There are dozens of famous generals who fought the British. Custer wasn’t one of them. But who cares? It was 1993!

8. From playing tennis too close to the net while wearing a bandana and short shorts?

Stephen Dunn / Getty Images

9. Or from pointing to the stars and doing something TRULY BIG?

Stephen Dunn / Getty Images

10. Like jamming with Poison?

Al Bello / Getty Images

11. Or even from joining a band and going on tour with Hootie & The Blowfish?

Mike Powell / Getty Images

That’s right: HOOTIE.

12. [lowers shades]

Mike Powell / Getty Images

An actual thing Hootie’s drummer later said about Alexi Lalas: “The seriousness is in his heart.” If that’s not the title of a lost ’90s pop album, what is?

13. Are you prepared to deal with this unstoppably ’90s backwards hat/sunglasses combination?

Andy Lyons / Getty Images

14. Or that jersey — that probably-ripped-from-an-episode-of-Guts team called the GOAL BLASTERS?

Andy Lyons / Getty Images

15. Can you handle this? Because it’s time to face the facts: Of all the things from the 1990s, Alexi Lalas is the undisputed champion of 90’s-iestness.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

16. Alexi Lalas is the ’90s, and we are Alexi Lalas.

Rick Stewart / Getty Images

17. So Alexi, put that hand down. Let us salute YOU. Long may the ’90s run.

Tom Hauck / Getty Images

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