14. Freddie Roscoe (Hollyoaks).
Dating-wise, it can be very useful to have a best friend who is more attractive than you, because they will intimidate the hell out of everybody so you will get more action. And Freddie is more attractive than anyone.
13. Saul Berenson (Homeland).
Everybody needs somebody older, solid and dependable in their life. Skills in counter-terror skills, while not an essential characteristic, are certainly beneficial things to have in your corner.
12. Lloyd Mullaney (Coronation Street).
The men of Coronation Street generally fall into the categories of feckless or psychotic. Lloyd is the only one that you could actually imagine having a pint with and enjoying yourself. Which is a useful characteristic for a community where they’re all in the pub every single night.
11. Dorothy Zbornak (The Golden Girls).
The ultimate in fag hags. Dorothy is a woman of the world with a tongue like a razorblade who nevertheless looks after her mother. Looks like she was probably a right goer in her day as well.
10. Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation).
Data was programmed to be dependable, so you’d always have him in your corner forever, there would be no worries there. But unlike most androids you come across, his Pinocchio complex renders him adorkably endearing. Data is the sort of friend you would condescendingly look after, like a confused puppy.
9. Patsy Stone (Absolutely Fabulous).
Because it could be Bolly o’clock any bloody well time you want it to be. Also: beehive.
8. Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad).
Because if you look beyond all the drug dealing and murdering he’s like a really genuine guy with a good heart and looks out for his people and anti-hero and ambivalent characterisa- SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.
7. Schmidt (New Girl).
Because when somebody spends that much time on working that hard to be charming and debonair then at least some of that effort is going to rub off on you, correct?
6. Phoebe Buffay (Friends).
Looks after her friends. Let’s them hear “Smelly Cat” as many times as they want. Plus she has an alter-ego in Regina Phalange.
5. John Watson (Sherlock).
Because you could literally fake your death or something and he would probably forgive you eventually.
4. Bert (Sesame Street).
Because nobody did friendship like Ernie and Bert (it’s just two men sharing a bed yeah.) And having Bert would allow you be Ernie the grumpy one.
3. Phil Dunphy (Modern Family).
Who wouldn’t want to hang out with Phil the whole time? The ‘peerenting’ mastermind and former cheerleader for Fresno State could outshine anyone’s haplessness. Constantly run rings round by his children, you would look like Harvey Keitel stood next to this guy.
2. Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation).
The most annoying person in the room and also the most adorable. You can’t choose your friends. You wouldn’t ever change them either. Also: “brovaries before hovaries.”
1. Donna Noble (Doctor Who).
“There are worlds out there, safe in the sky because of her. That there are people living in the light, and singing songs of Donna Noble, a thousand, million light years away. They will never forget her, while she can never remember. And for one moment… one shining moment… she was the most important woman in the whole wide universe.”
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