1.
The Guardian live blog would stop beating around the proverbial privet.
2.
And the print edition would follow suit.
3.
The Mirror's website would lash out in rage and confusion.
4.
And the New Statesman would be inconsolable.
5.
The lack of Balls would also hurt The Independent.
6.
The BBC would tell it like it is.
7.
By mid-morning the Guardian live-bloggers would have lost the will to live.
8.
The Mirror would be printing a new edition hourly. At 2am there would be anger.
11.
By 10am, there would be no words.
12.
And by midday, they'd be drinking heavily and slowly resigning themselves to the nightmarish hellscape of a Conservative majority.
