Why Your Hostess Hates You

We've heard from servers and bartenders, but here's why your hostess hates your existence.

You don't have a reservation at 8pm on a Friday night

And then act like a child when you can't get a table which leads to....

"Well I come here all the time. People know me here"

Oh really? I slave my life away here and I've never seen you

"Oh it's her birthday/our anniversary"

If it was really a day of celebration why wouldn't you make a reservation to guarantee a no-stress evening?

"Are you going to join us ;)"

This joke and jokes of this nature are told a million times a night and it's never amusing or charming. Get some new material asshole

Absurd special requests

"Please bring roses, candles, a violin, and her dead grandmother's homemade cookies to the table for dessert"

"Do you have another table?"

No. No. No. NO! There is a specific rotation for the servers and now you're screwing it up

Camping out at your table

What could you possibly have to talk about for 4 hours?! GO HOME

Showing up 10 minutes before closing time and demanding a table

THIS IS SO RUDE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!

Showing up late and not apologizing or calling ahead

If you're running late that's fine, it happens. But if you're 2 hours late (it's happened) and don't even seem remotely sorry?! You're an asshole.

Not moving out of the way after you've checked in

Okay it's gonna be a couple minutes...thank you...you can sit down and wait...there's a line behind you of people trying to check in as well...GO AWAY!!!!

Getting pushy when there is a wait

Don't come in without a reservation and get bitchy with me when you have to wait. I don't care how many tables you see open, those are for people with RESERVATIONS

Any touching of any kind

Nope.

Seriously.

Weird PDA as you check in

Ya hi get your tongue out of your significant other's ear before you talk to me

Dressing inappropriately

When did it start becoming okay to wear baseball hats and skanky dresses at a fine dining restaurant?! If one of our appetizers costs more than your outfit, reconsider your ensemble.