1. Shop at the Jasper Mall
You never know who you’ll run into! A friend! A family member! The Prince of Darkness!
2. Attend a “Brawl at the Mall”
Just don’t say it’s fake. That’s real blood. Not ketchup from Chick-fil-A.
3. Take a leak ON the Jasper Mall
Yes, there are bathrooms inside, but where’s the fun in that?
4. Go Mud Buggy Racing at Biscuit Mountain
Because it’s called BISCUIT MOUNTAIN. And if that wasn’t enough, winning the race gets you car parts. Win enough races and you can build your own car. Maybe.
5. Eat some Mexican food
Chow down on some Perico’s!
6. Eat some Mexican food
Enjoy some Cabos San Lucas!
7. Eat some Mexican foooooood
WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH MEXICAN FOOD!?!?!
8. Sleep at the Warrior River Motel
It’s only $30 a night. And sometimes the ice water is still circulating.
9. Play some completely legal charity bingo
…but I can’t tell you where. Or that this even exists. Just scroll to the next number please.
10. Have your plans ruined by a bomb threat
You don’t have to go home, BUT YOU MUST EVACUATE THE PREMISES NOW.
11. Have your baby in a parking lot because of a bomb threat
Believe it or not, that baby was still not the worst driver in the parking lot.
12. Punch a high school football coach
Save it for the Brawl at the Mall!
13. Tell everyone how you feel about the President
Yeah. He’s definitely getting audited.
14. Listen to a legend sing
You may need to bring your Ouija board.
15. Grab a seat at the Cobb 4
No. Really. The theater is shut down. You could probably get 2 for $10 if you ask nicely.
16. Drive while being stared at by a bear
This is why they built Corridor X
17. Get 2 different types of cancer
18. Bring home some delicious take-out
We really like putting animals in the back of our truck.
19. Read the local newspaper
Classic Daily Mountain Buzzard typo.
20. Watch a high school football game
Gotta support that alma mater. Go ‘Dawgs!
21. Enjoy the Frog Festival in Sumiton
Wanna guess what ole Rainbow Head has in the cup?
22. Take a load off
or do a little more. Your call.
23. Run naked through the park
Here’s a good question: how do you get arrested for illegal possession of medication when you’re naked?
24. Fish at Smith Lake
Lewis Smith Lake is actually a beautiful body of water. And it’s deep too. Perfect for…
25. Drag a friend out for a swim in Smith Lake
That’s a floatie! not a cinder block.
26. Visit the Alabama Mining Museum
On the other side of Dora lies this treasured piece of Walker County history. Now open on the third Thursday of the month from 1:30 PM to 1:45 PM.
27. Get run over by a scooter in Walmart
You can run, but you…actually, running would probably work.
28. Buy baby pot belly pigs
Pet today. Bacon tomorrow.
29. Read the sign at Millican’s
Are tomatoes for sale? Or does Jesus just love you, Tomatoe?
30. Run for office
All you need is a yard and 150 plastic signs. It doesn’t even have to be your yard!
31. Get arrested while in office
This could really hurt Mayor Pee Wee’s re-election chances.
32. Tattoo a few minors without parental consent
Someone needs to bail her out. This back tattoo isn’t going to finish itself.
33. Support a good cause
Donations are tax deductible, right?
34. Buy some local art
You can’t spell check woodwork.
35. Do a little discount shopping
They’re only prejudiced against high prices!
36. Fear for your life driving across a bridge
Seriously, why does this bridge on Country Club Road still exist?!
37. Pawn your car
Don’t worry, you can totally pay it back.
38. Pawn your neighbor’s car
On the bright side, you got your car back.
39. Park your Lamborghini Gallardo at a Dollar General
Don’t have one? No problem! That one’s for sale.
40. Be unemployed
62%!?! No wonder we keep pawning stuff.
41. Look at these painted mules
There was supposed to be 20 of these things around Jasper, but now they’re everywhere. I think one of them is running for Sheriff.
42. Track the Sipsey Creature
Oh, he’s real alright. Definitely not the imagination of a town with a serious meth problem.
43. Get a speeding ticket in Sumiton
Consider them the welcoming committee for people coming into Walker County.
44. See the car show in Nauvoo
These horse-less buggies are all the rage.
45. Follow @dailymtneagle on twitter
You can do this outside of Walker County, but it’s more fun when you live it everyday.
46. Fill up your tank
Don’t worry, it still has Techron.
47. Eat at the Frosty Mug
Way better than that fancy Steel City Pops. This is good old fashioned ice cream, burgers, and grease.
48. Spit on the wall in Oakman
Yes, I’m aware of the new rule. But this tobacco juice has gotta go somewhere.
49. Learn about the birds and the bees
So that’s where baby stick figures come from?
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