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Dear Mr. Red Chevy Suburban with white Indiana license plate [deleted]: I saw you this afternoon in traffic in Hamilton County. At 3:43 p.m., to be exact. And I felt compelled to write to you. Considering the bags under your puffy eyes, the ample spare tire of fat under your alre

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To the Young Father of an Unruly Child At Plato’s Closet: Thank You. At first, I thought you were desperate for female attention, simply coming into Plato’s Closet to allow your 1-year-old son to constantly be underfoot, crawling about the floor, in between clothing racks, in between my legs,

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As I type this, my boyfriend is on the couch, napping blissfully, his Iphone nestled to his chest. I remember the distant days when I was the one who nestled there, my head resting lovingly against his shoulder, but apparently because I don’t vibrate like a buzz saw every ten minutes to let him kno

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SHE WAS IN A STORAGE LOCKER NONE OF HER FAMILY WANT HER, SO IM OFFERING HER TO YOU AT A DISCOUNT PRICE, ASHES ARE STARTING TO LEAK FROM BOTTOM, I DID DROP HER, I ALSO GOT HER PHOTOS SHE WAS APROX 67 YEARS OLD, 170 POUNDS, 5’7 THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST PIECE OF ASH YOULL EVER GET I GOT TO DO S

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Dear vandal, I don’t know you. You don’t know me. That’s the primary reason why I am so confused about what motivation someone would have to take a blunt object (which, judging from the damage, appears to have been a hammer) to the windshield of my four-year-old, secondhand, nondescript, mid-rang

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You: young hipster girl with dark hair in two ponytails. Your ride stopped smack dab in the middle of George last night, while you took your sweet time pouring yourself out of the car, opening up the back door, pulling out your groceries and making sure your panties were on straight. We couldn’t get

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I wanted a pet, so I got one. But I am tired of taking care of it, and paying for it. I might even be moving, in which case I would have to pay a pet deposit or spend an extra 30 seconds planning how to take along my pet. Maybe I decided to have a baby or get a boyfriend (or girlfriend). Anyhow, I d

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Dear Sir or Madam: Ha ha! You are clever! You regifted your unwanted parking ticket to a neighboring vehicle! Unfortunately, you disregarded two important points. First, I do not drive a silver Buick; second, I do not plan to pay the city $30 on your behalf. I understand fines double after 10

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Had a rat problems and solved it by using the rat poison. The rats died somewhere in my bedroom wall and I can’t find it but I can smell it it is not too good. I need some body who has experience finding where in wall the dead rats is and then taking them out it without breaking the walls. Maybe som

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I caught a fly. Shimmers green, red eyes. Measures approximately 9mm by 5mm, flies great. Want to give to a good home. Location: Long Beach it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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Astronaut needed for experimental flight to Titan. I have been working on this project now for near 40 years and am afraid I’m no longer fit enough to go. My secret space craft is the result of my professional experience and imagination while serving the U.S. military in advanced aeronautics as a

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Carpe Garageium Seize the Garage. In the early stages of the excavation of Pompeii they unearthed a beautiful, well-preserved villa with a chariot parked outside a carriage house. Further excavation reveled that the carriage house was over full of bins of old clothes, broken pottery, urns miss

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I have 750 kiss of mint condoms that expired in 3/2004. I have 750 lubricated colored condoms that expired in 9/2006. They are no longer safe for pregnancy prevention but do have several other uses. They make great water balloons, safe sex educational tools, balloon animals etc… What you do with t

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You & Me Doing It v. You & Me Not Doing It (2009) Using that IRAC method we’ve been learning about, a compelling brief on why we should hump each other’s brains out. FACTS: You’re in my class at law school. You are tall, dark and very masculine. I find you quite attractive and itÂ

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The time was fall of 2007. I am walking with someone who is very dear to me. Someone I adore deeply. She is a woman my age. Where we are walking is a heavily forested area that is all her land. It is remote and far away from everythingin north central Minnesota. . There is only one road through here

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cartoons are my catharsis. if you spam me i will find you and kill you, by the way. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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Me: Charming, articulate and intelligent. You: A good baker, likes to take care of her man with frequent care packages. I am the only guy on craigslist who is not looking for sex or female companionship. Those I can get. There is however one thing missing in my life of late. Ever since breaking

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Hi there. I am looking for a friend one who is currently or will soon be on her period. Mine is two weeks late and, while I know I’m not pregnant, I would like to kick-start mine to get back on my normal, lovely schedule. I would prefer it if you have a history of being dominant in these matters (i.

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Many of you posted your first ads on here a couple of weeks ago, a month ago, or even longer ago than that. And you’re still posting. Are you wondering why you still don’t have a roommate? Read on. 1) Great Fort Greene apartment? If all of you who claim your apartments are in Fort Greene or Cl

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W4M “Baggage” - I can’t deal with actual human beings “Curvy” - fat “Drama free” - I’m still bitter and involved with the last guy who got me pregnant “Love to laugh” - I am a boring as hell so hopefully you can make it entertaining “Looking…” - spam “Must love…” - spam “Partner in crim

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