Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/11...

TONGUES WERE HANGING OUT ALL OVER THE WEB AS PLAYGIRL TEASED A PEEK AT LEVI JOHNSTON IN THE RAW. “I'd certainly let him take me behind the middle school and get me pregnant,'' gushed one fan.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/11...

SCIENTISTS ARE REPORTING NEWS FROM THE LABORATORY THAT GIVES NEW HOPE TO MEN AND BUNNIES SUFFERING FROM ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. Researchers in North Carolina are reporting that they constructed a fully functioning rabbit penis that enabled bunnies to screw and procreate like, well, rabbits.

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Creepiest Halloween treats on web. Includes brain shots.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/10...

A sampling of the goriest, hoariest Halloween dishes found online. This severed meatloaf hand is most definitely “not Martha.”

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/10...

RING YOUR BANDAIDS AND YOUR WIPEES TO THE World Series opener Wednesday night 'cause New York and Philly fans are ready to rumble. New York started it when the city's fishwrapper lobbed the first verbal bombs in an article headlined, “Frillies are coming to town!”

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Link: http://shavemyyeti.com/

Underneath all that fur he's just a guy from New Jersey.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/10...

On the tail of a naughty boy-wolf named Max comes this twisty video starring Kanye West as his drunk self with auteur Spike Jonze hoovering just out of view. Shot before Kanye's drunken performance at the VMAs, this piece suggests that life was imitating art that fateful night.

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Link: http://gawker.com/5383858/exclusive-i...

The quest for fame does dizzy things to people. Ditto the quest for news. Gawker admits to buying alleged proof that Balloon boy's dad Richard Heene hatched his massive media controversy to get famous. Because screaming on “Wife Swap” wasn't enough notoriety. Quick question: Heene, do you have your YouTube videos monetized??

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Link: http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireSt...

Shepard Fairey's case against AP appears to be near “collapse” after his attorneys claim he misled them. That doesn't mean we can't have hope in Obama, does it?

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Link: http://www.lileks.com/institute/dogs/

Before the internet, “newspaper dog photography was for years the resort of the hack and the flack, the assignment no one wanted, the crap job handed out to the guys who could barely be trusted to take off the lens cap.” Here's proof.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/10...

Dirty talk is a touchy topic. It took me a long time to be able to do it confidently, and I had to be very comfortable with the person who was getting the talking-to. It certainly takes some mastering, though once you perfect your art, it's a goldmine, girlfriend. I have a few pointers.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/10...

I MET MY WORK HUSBAND AFTER A MOUSE RAN ACROSS MY DESK. I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER and he laughed his head off. It's been love ever since!

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Link: http://www.rogersparkcheetos.blogspot...

This blog is the work of an urban anthropologist who's documented one Chicago neighborhood's apparent love of the cheesy goodstuff known as Cheetos. Its disclaimer: “All Cheetos bags displayed on this blog were found in their natural habitat. No Cheetos bags were harmed in the production and distribution of this blog.”

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It was a miserable week for Chicago sports fans. This sign was discarded on the street just outside Wrigley Field Sunday afternoon after Cubs closed season with loss to Diamondbacks. Says it all.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/09...

A CROWD PACK THE MUSIC BOX IN CHICAGO TUESDAY NIGHT FOR A SNEAK PREVIEW OF SPIKE JONZE'S HOTLY ANTICIPATED NEW MOVIE, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. Audience members laughed, they sighed, they applauded wildly — and that was all before even watching the film.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/09...

DIDN'T YOU KNOW? Your parents were awesome before you were phat. They used to be pimped out in fros', party hats, white tuxes, square sunglasses, team captain sweaters, formal gloves, polyester, mini-shorts and love beads. But all that was before you were born. But the proof exists on the Tumblr blog, 'MyParentsWereAwesome.'

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/09...

DID YOU VACATION LAST YEAR IN COPENHAGEN? DID YOU SLEEP WITH A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE? DID YOU KNOCK HER UP? IF SO, SHE'S SENDING AN SOS TO THE WORLD FOR YOU. THEN AGAIN, SHE MIGHT JUST BE A MARKETING TOOL FOR A WEB COMPANY.

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Monterey Bay Aquarium promotes its new seahorse exhibit with 'personal ads' campaign. One writer sums it up: “Okay, now I'm being invited to imagine several narcissistic, drunk seahorses sitting around discussing the vagaries of making out after oral sex. No thanks.”

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BLAME IT ON THE STARS, BUT THERE'S A HEAVY DOSE OF VITRIOL IN THE AIR, SENDING OFF A STRONG STENCH OF CATTY. Thus, there's no better excuse to introduce you to the Mainzer Dressed Cat postcards.

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Link: http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2009/08...

I HEARD ON THE RADIO YESTERDAY THAT DJ AM DIED. I wasn't surprised after the commercial break to learn that it was a drug overdose. When are we going to get it? Every celeb does drugs. You know that book Dear Diary? By Lesley Arfin? No? Well, I didn't read it either, but I read one issue of her magazine MissBehave, which explicitly cites drug use as casually as it rates mascaras.

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