1. I will stop ordering pizza past 1 am.
I would never suggest you give up on the relationship completely but just to stop giving into those late night cheesy booty calls.
2. I will not let more than four days go by without any physical activity.
And clicking “watch next episode” on Netflix doesn’t count.
3. I will eat something green every day.
Something besides guacamole, that is.
4. And while we’re talking about guacamole…I won’t eat Chipotle more than three times a week.
Okay fine, four.
5. I will stop hating that one skinny bitch.
Because it’s not her fault she’s a skinny bitch.
6. I will stop using my period as an excuse…
…when I know very well I don’t start for another two weeks
7. I will have confidence and know I’m beautiful without needing anyone to tell me.
Okay, maybe just tell me one more time.
8. I will start drinking wine out of a glass and water out of a bottle.
10. I won’t do this.
Exceptions: going through a break up, friend is going through a break up (because you can’t let her eat the whole thing by herself), watching Marley and Me.
Eh, who are we kidding?