20 Guys You Should Break Up With Right Now
The list of guys you shouldn’t be dating is long. Here are just a few.
1. The guy who keeps a drawer full of toothbrushes.
Sure, he’s a considerate host, and no doubt you had a great time partying with him, but when a guy makes no attempt to hide the fact that you’re just one of many, believe him. Enjoy yourself, but don’t try and turn a fling into a relationship.
2. The guy you’ve never seen in the daylight.
If you’ve been hanging out with each other for a while, but only between the hours of 9pm and 3am, then you’re not actually dating. You’re just hooking up. That’s perfectly fine if all you want is a booty call, but don’t kid yourself. He’s not boyfriend material if it would be weird to ask him out to lunch.
3. The guy who spends more time getting ready than you.
Grooming is good, but you can definitely have too much of a good thing. There’s no surer sign of a Grade-A douchebag than a guy who turns getting ready into a highly ritualized exercise in vanity. (Oh, and if you ever catch a guy making a duck face into his bathroom mirror, run for the hills.)
4. The guy who doesn’t own any books.
John Waters was right. If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em! A guy doesn’t have to own a library full of first editions, but at the very least, there needs to be some paperback evidence that he reads. (For the record, comic books and the Bible don’t count.)
5. The guy who has framed pictures of himself. Alone. On his nightstand.
This kind of thing is a big red flag with “raging narcissist” written on it. Guys who think they’re the center of the universe tend to make it obvious, so pay attention to the clues and act accordingly.
6. The guy who builds his identity around a sports team.
It’s fine if he follows sports, and it’s fine if he has a favorite team, but being a super-fan shouldn’t be one of his defining characteristics. Building an identity around a sports team is the number one sign that a guy is weak-minded and lacks personality.
7. The guy who can’t take a joke.
Sure, we all want a guy with a sense of humor. Your guy should be able to make you laugh, but he also should have the ability to laugh at himself. The only thing worse than the guy who can’t tell a joke is the guy who can’t take one.
8. The guy who’s still pissed about the election.
Stay away from guys who are emotionally invested in wrong-headed political talking points. This isn’t so much about the politics as it is about the ability to use rational thought.
9. The guy who omits the truth.
He’ll keep saying that he didn’t lie to you, but so what? Omitting the truth is still a willful act of deception. If you notice a pattern of behavior where a guy deliberately chooses not to be forthcoming about stuff you both should know, kick his ass to the curb. Romantic relationships are no place for shady lawyer’s tricks.
10. The guy who makes a big deal about his fad diet.
There’s nothing wrong with eating healthy, but don’t put up with the kind of sanctimonious prick who makes a big deal about it. It’s one thing to be health conscious. It’s another thing to use dietary restrictions as a socially acceptable outlet for self-righteousness and control issues.
11. The guy with Peter Pan syndrome.
It’s fine if you have a thing for older men, but make sure their age matches their emotional maturity. Don’t get stuck playing Wendy to an emotionally stunted man-child who refuses to grow up.
12. The guy who’s addicted to social media.
If he checked in on Foursquare to the restaurant where he’s tweeting a Tumblr link to an Instagram photo of the food you’re eating, just get up from the table and walk away. Don’t bother with a guy if he breaks out into a cold sweat whenever his cell phone battery gets low.
13. The guy with mysterious friends who don’t have names and aren’t interested in meeting you.
Admit it. Your dude is shady. It’s one thing if you’re his partner in crime, but if you can’t establish his whereabouts or a list of his known associates, it’s a pretty big clue that he’s got something to hide.
14. The eternal frat guy.
It’s bad enough to date this douchebag when you’re in college, but if it’s been a few years since graduation and he still lives like he’s in a dorm, send him off to be with his bros for good.
15. The guy who owns a bunch of guns but no uniform.
If your guy has more guns than pairs of shoes, and he’s not a cop or a soldier, back away slowly and walk out the door.
16. The guy who’s suspiciously similar to your dad.
We all learn relationship dynamics from our parents, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. If you catch yourself resolving your childhood issues in your adult relationship, break it off and find a good therapist.
17. The guy who’s a social liability.
If you’re afraid how your guy might act when he wanders off in public, stop taking him to parties. You shouldn’t have to be a babysitter who makes constant apologies for his behavior.
18. The guy who used to be your boyfriend.
This one should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, most of us have slipped up once or twice thinking it could be different a second time around. It never is. Have a little ex sex if you must, but whatever you do, don’t try and date an ex boyfriend.
19. The guy who used to be your friend’s boyfriend.
It doesn’t matter if they were already broken up. It doesn’t matter if he was the one who pursued you. If you are dating one of your friend’s exes, you are fired from life. Please spackle your vagina shut and move to the Alaskan wilderness.
20. The guy who’s married.
Please. Do I really gotta say it? You’re half a damaged idiot for getting involved with a married guy in the first place. Break it off now before you wind up a homewrecker stuck in a relationship with a cheater.
HOT ON
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☁Spam Of God☁ 4 months agoSorry but graphic novels TOTALLY count, if I walk into a guy’s apartment and he has the complete Sandman series… he just got lucky. heres an addendum for tgirls: 21. The Experimenter (it’s his first time, he’s always wanted to try this) 22. Federal Witness Protection Program guy (he’s always looking over his shoulder in public, making sure nobody recognizes him) 23. the super controlling tguy (tguys and tgirls… it sounds like a match made in heaven I know, but it’s not, because tgirls are really vulnerable and tguys are kind of… not all of them… but they have a tendency… to be a little douchebaggy. It’s not they’re fault, they have as much testosterone flowing through their veins as an 18 year old boy, but when you put someone like that with a girl who will literally start crying over WalMart commercials just because “the people looked so happy” you have a dangerous combination) 24. Dr. Frankenstein (He wants to build his perfect woman from the ground up and he has the money to do it, which may sound great, but remember he comes with his own set of blueprints and your input doesn’t mean a lot to him. Also, don’t forget those complete blueprints probably still leave you with all of your original parts. 25. Victor/Victoria (He has impossibly high standards for you, 99% of the time you better be Grace Kelley… but between the sheets he expects Mandingo, so you better remember to think about baseball. The funny thing is, this guy is never worth the effort it takes to date him)
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PartyPoison723 4 months agoI was about to make a similar post about comics/graphic novels! Thank you for beating me to it and working it a lot better than I would have.
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miguelmfeed 4 months agowow. so just owning books and showing them off does work! thinking of all the idiots I could’ve fooled if I’d just had books next to my stacks of dollar bills with 20’s on each end. smh
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melissam17 4 months agoEntire article in one sentence…GO
Don’t date emotionally unavailable pricks.
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- wesleyandrewh added Don't Stop Me Now to the mix about 4 months ago
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Alex Clarke 4 months ago“John Waters was right. If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em” If I knew that John Waters was coming round, I’d dump all my books out of the window.
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