2. Commando it is, at ALL times.
3. The ONLY thing clear about this Staples sign is that they don’t care about their customers(‘) comfort.
4. Oh Coca-Cola, you are the undisputed king of soda. So embarrassing.
5. He’s not sorry, he ain’t closing at 4:15, and no thank you.
6. If there’s one word to never put in quotes, it’s “beer” — unless of course, we’re talking Budweiser.
7. Translation: “Momentarily” out of order. Perfect.
8. Retro! Yeah mom, you’ll get a night off the day after never.
9. Wait, is it “free” or complimentary? Jesus, so fucking confused.
10. So they’ve named themselves “Best Funeral Home” two years running.
In The News Today
- Wes Craven, who directed "Scream" and "A Nightmare on Elm Street," has died of brain cancer. He was 76. ›
- For the first time in history, there are three major hurricanes in the Pacific east of the International Dateline at the same time. ›
- Taylor Swift won Video of the Year for "Bad Blood" at the MTV Video Music Awards. ›