The Creepiest Mascot In Advertising History

“Eat your vegetables, or I’ll eat you.”

1. “HO HO HO, MOTHERFUCKER.”

2. Before he became the handsome stud some of us grew up with…

3. …The “Jolly” Green Giant was a creature from farming Hell

4. “HOPE YOU DON’T MIND, I ATE ALL YOUR PIGS…”

5. There is a 55-foot statue of him in Blue Earth, Minnesota.

He looks like he’s wearing the death mask of another Jolly Green Giant.

6. Here he is, wearing a dickey, with a napkin covering his dickie.

7. That face — “ask me ONE MORE question about skin pigmentation…”

8. “Do you have any steak knives…Ma’am?”

9. The God of dead farmers.

10. Upskirt.

11. “I GOT AN ITCH…A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.”

Back in the late 1940s — 1950s, he was less giant.
But, a lot more scary.

12. That froze his peas (sorry).

13. “Your son’s bedroom walls are — go take a look!”

14. Early Green Giant toy — not at all creepy.

15. Oh sure, give him a sabre, why not.

16. Note: As you can see, they were a little confused about how to make him look “Mexican” in the face.

That burro was soon hanging dead from a tree.

17. “Where’s my Missus? Fertilizer.”

18. “Here’s some baby-tenders peas. Now, give me a baby.”

All images via the amazing Vintage Advertising pool on Flickr.

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