The 7 Worst Films For Sale At Cannes

These “films” are not competing for the 2013 Palme D’or. See the entire awful list at The Guardian.


GREAT pun.
Via The Guardian: From the director of I Now Pronounce You Black And White — apparently one of South Africa’s highest-grossing “local” comedies — comes another farce of dubious racial profiling and belated cinematic bandwagon-jumping. A washed-up white cop and a black crook trying to go straight are accidentally body-swapped in a lab.

ID: 1211487

Plot, via The Guradian: Santa’s policy against delivering cats as presents — on account of his allergies, rather than any concern for animal welfare — is tested by “little Tommy”, who gets the rules bent because he’s been so good.
But instead of one little kitten, the whole litter climbs into the sack. When Santa has a major allergic reaction, the kitties have to take over and deliver the presents.”

ID: 1211488

I think I’d like to see this one.
Description: Equipped by Einstein and the CIA with a bespoke Wheelchair Of Death, America’s wartime president battles polio-carrying Nazi werewolves in this imaginative new biopic.
An early review from “Boom! This version of FDR blows that shitty Hyde Park On Hudson movie out of the fucking water.”

ID: 1211489

Creepiest movie tagline ever.
This is not a gay slasher film, but according to The Guardian the story of a depressed young psychiatrist who voyages around south-east Asia, visiting former clients to gain some kind of closure. Why he must do so butt-naked, clutching a hunting knife, is unclear.

ID: 1211490

Simplest — and cheapest — animal film ever shot.

ID: 1211491

What’s so fucking special about blue apples?
What do they taste like?
What the FUCK is the movie about?

ID: 1211495

Double the reward if you also run across Alfredo Garcia.
The “plot” via The Guradian: An aimless Grand Theft Auto fan and DJ is innocently caught up in the hunt for the heat-packing, belt-loving ex-girlfriend of a ruthless Argentinian kingpin.

ID: 1211492

See all 12 candidates for the Palme d’Awful…

at The Guardian.

ID: 1211493

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