The 11 Best Goddamn Beer Ads Ever

Ranked 1-11. Guinness "Evolution" commercial is #1.

1. Guinness (U.K.)

Epic, hilarious, brilliant, perfectly branded.

I could have made a list of just Guinness ads.

This is the best one they ever produced.

2. Carlton (Australia)

The mocking of stupid, big-budget beer ads with a stupid, big-budget beer ad. (The shots are all real; that's not digital chicanery.)

3. Budweiser (U.S.)

This is the only mainstream American beer commercial to make the cut. It is that rare ad that became a big part of national culture.

The rest of the sexist, celeb-driven, lowest-common-denominator humor crap produced by the big U.S. brands doesn't even deserve a mention.

4. Hahn (Australia)

In America, we get moronic "Man Up" beer commercials that look like they were created by ass-kissing account executives.

THIS is how you do a manly beer ad. It is a goddamn wonder for the eyes. Look at the hilarious manly steps the beer goes through before it gets to your glass. It's one of those rare spots you want to watch more than once. And NOT A WORD of dialogue or voiceover.

5. Carlton (Australia)

Men look better in slow motion.

The best three-minute commercial ever.

The hilariously stupid song is sung to the tune of "Nessun dorma," a Puccini aria.

6. Guinness for St. Patrick's Day (U.K.)

"He has to be careful here not to lose the big lad..."

Focking awesome. A piece of art.

7. Guinness (U.K.)

A great story, a great commercial.

8. Red Stripe (U.S.)

I could have also made a separate list with just ads featuring the wonderfully optimistic Red Stripe Ambassador. I picked my favorite. The most perfect 10-second ad ever.

9. Stella Artois (U.S.)

Super-stylish, super-fun.

Directed by Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola.

10. Carlton (Australia)

It's got a cops-and-robbers chase, "crashes," cheesy 1980s music and, smartly, the spot doubles as a "don't drink and drive" ad.

11. Toohey's (Australia)

This makes the list simply because it is the most batshit bizarre beer ad ever.

Toohey's is known for its strange ads.

If you have a favorite beer commercial that you think deserves to be added to my perfect list, leave it in the comments. If it passes muster, I will add it to the post.