10 Vintage Phallic Ads

Sometimes, a cigar was just a cigar. And sometimes, it wasn't.

1.

It's a Dicknic!

Take a good look at the ad. The foreground woman has one penis-y bottle in her hands while being force-fed a dog. Background woman is showing Chip how much of his dog she can fit in her maw at once. I don’t know about the sexual orientation of the fifth-wheel dude, but he’s making damn sure we notice the bananas. Then, there are the extra dogs, the knives, the shirt stripes — even the pattern on the basket looks like erect penises.

2.

Is that Thrush header muffler a phallic symbol? (Yes.) Is that the Grim Reapress? (I don't know.) And is the Donny Osmond doppelgänger wearing a flame-retardant drag racing suit or some terrible '70s outfit? (I don't know.)

3.

Ah, 70s men's fashion.

That piece of wood could be thicker.

Read the copy for a good guffaw.

4.

Sometimes, a wine sack is a sack.

Let me squeeze it for you, babe.

Texas International airlines is no longer around.

5.

She's holding a phallic symbol, two oranges, and a carton of white fluid.

Any questions?

6.

1954.

Lipstick by Freud.

7.

You may sniff my pipe, doll.

8.

Where there's smoke, there's penis.

9.

Well, just the tip.

10.

My GOD.

To this day, I do not believe that this is a real ad.

But, I also am not 100% sure.

Related: here are 13 modern phallic ads.