All 52 Super Bowl Ads Right Here

In the order they appeared during the game.

1. Budweiser Black Crown

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ganYRWpXXew.

Summoned the bile from my stomach and dead from my brain.

2. M&M’s “Love Ballad”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=2KiR7rMB5Jg.

I don’t like M&M’s in my meatloaf, or vice versa.

3. Audi

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ANhmS6QLd5Q.

Car = PENIS.

4. Hyundai “Team”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=uPZ8LZQMPys.

One of the least terrible ads of the evening.

5. Go Daddy

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=o-3j4-4N3Ng.

BARF Refaeli.

6. Doritos

Makes zero sense, but lots of product shot.

7. Best Buy “Ask Amy”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=KgmhhVCLgM8.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

8. Budweiser Black Crown “Celebration”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=rEqQ7NTPuh4.

Seriously, two of the worst beer ads ever produced.
I hate all these people.

9. “Oz the Great and Powerful”

I don’t care.

10. Coke “Cameras”

Not a new ad for the Super Bowl, but a good one.

11. OREO

Sound and Fury, Signifying NOTHING.

12. “Fast and Furious 6”

I don’t care.

13. Toyota “Wish Granted”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=iymBRSUfz9U.

Sound and Fury, Signifying NOTHING.

14. Doritos “Fashionista Daddy”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=NmIGTTy8pI0.

Meh? Meh.

15. Calvin Klein

His name is Matthew Terry.
I was mimicking his poses in front of the TV.
At least it was a simple ad.

16. Cars.com “Wolf”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=nazQNSEbiVk.

Baybee Wolfie for the Win

17. Bud Light “Journey”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bd3NlM_BijY.

I wanted to here more of “Superstition.”
Otherwise, a solidly unmemorable ad.

18. Go Daddy

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=aE6ugHoIB_Q.

At least the sleazebags gave you a reason to buy here.

19. “Star Trek Into Darkness”

I don’t care.

20. Milk “Morning Run”

Sound and Fury, etc.

21. Hyundai Sonata “Stuck”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=SohqIBOb03k.

Also one of the least bad ads of the evening.
Look at that! A product benefit in an ad!
How fucking novel.

22. Volkswagen “Get Happy”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=9H0xPWAtaa8.

Racist? No.
Depressing as Hell? Yes.

23. Coke “Chase”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=6uFQAqwbwSg.

A big stinking overreaching MESS.

24. Subway “Congratulations Jared”

Depressing as Hell.

25. Budweiser — The Clydesdales: “Brotherhood”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=o2prAccclXs.

Sad and depressing as Hell.

26. Taco Bell “Viva Young”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=KvxZcULxfKw.

Mildly fun.
But also ageist — LOOK AT DEM GOOFY OLD PEOPLE.

27. Skechers “Man vs. Cheetah”

Just…AWFUL.

28. Lincoln “Phoenix”

My GOD, that was boring.
Who wrote this, the CEO?

29. Jeep “America Will Be Whole Again”

“There WILL be an advertiser who exploits our soldiers…”

30. NFL “Surprise:

I hate American “football” so I don’t care.

31. History Channel “Vikings”

I don’t care.

32. “Iron Man 3”

I don’t care.

33. Century 21 “Wedding”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=2vxYW0lL9rM.

I want to live in Century 22 where commercials like this hopefully won’t exist.

34. BlackBerry “Z10”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=UPbhzmIq9uU.

For your sake BlackBerry, I hope the phone is better than the ad.

35. E-Trade “Save It”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=dxDSQ23cWhE.

Time to kill the Baby, E-Trade.

36. Subway “FebruANY®”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=mJ9dIBzJ4Vs.

“Ha” said nobody.

37. Bud Light “Lucky Chair”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z43WNg76OYk.

At least there was Zoe Saldana.

38. Axe “Lifeguard”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=QGoU3VH7He4.

And Axe becomes the 127th brand to use the stupid go to space gimmick.

39. Mio “Anthem”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=zO0O9LH06bk.

“Change” your spokesperson, Mio.

40. Kia “Hotbots”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=emhtp2prOxQ.

“We want to do the tired, sexist “babes with cars” thing, but stupider. I know! robots!
Somewhere, the Svedka Fembot is masturbating. The Hotbot is Miss USA 2011 Alyssa Campanella.

41. Gildan T-Shirts “Getaway”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=32HiJHMRdqg.

Creepy is as Creepy does.

42. Wonderful Pistachios “PSY Get Crackin’”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=rE6iiiDdTNY.

Is this dude’s 15 minutes up yet?

43. Lincoln “Once Upon A Tweet”

“It’s a story that start with you. Because luxury always should.”
Senseless CEO copy again.

44. Speed Stick “Unattended Laundry”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=7yVetGH4sPs.

One of the worst of the evening.

45. Beck’s Sapphire “No Diggity”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=TJoiCP2Wnpw.

No digging it.

46. NFL “Leon Sandcastle”

SANDCASTLE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (breath) ha.

47. Ram Trucks “Farmer”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=AMpZ0TGjbWE.

I want my 2 minutes back.
You’re a fucking truck, settle down.

48. Kia “Space Babies”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=t535BjVmXq8.

Cute, and sold me on Kia not at all.

49. Tide “Miracle Stain”

Tripe.

50. SodaStream

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=h1HQxcTYTho.

SodaStream would have had the best ad of the evening, if CBS wasn’t held hostage by Big Sugar. Here’s their banned ad.

51. Mercedes-Benz “Soul”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=oPNr0_6MnDo.

Considering the actor fees and the $1.5 million song fee and the production costs, this commercial was one of the biggest wastes of money in advertising history.

52. Samsung “The Next Big Thing”

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5ae7E8J7h7Y.

You know how I know you’re gay…?

53. Pepsi Next

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=pBBGeIYOtjU.

Sorry I missed this one.
Terrible.