valentines

Racy New Ads For Dodgy Product

Fresh+Sexy intimate wipes — “A Polished Knob Always Get More Turns,” plus three more.

There is no evidence to support this, I suspect.

“A hard working beaver always finds more wood.”

Now that’s true. Think about it.

So, these ads landed in the BuzzFeed in-box yesterday.

They’re for Fresh + Sexy wipes, A new Playtex product.

They are “intimate wipes for men and women specifically designed for use before and after sexual activity.”

Specifically?”

Well, what’s in them?

Water, Propylene Glycol, Polysorbate 20, Disodium Cocoamphodiacetate, Tocopheryl Acetate, Butylene Glycol, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Vaccinium Macrocarpon (Cranberry) Fruit Extract, Citric Acid, Sodium Hydroxymethylglycinate, Potassium Sorbate, Disodium EDTA, Fragrance.

I’ll, uh, stick to soap and water, but thanks.

Again, where’s the Knob Study to back up this specious claim?

Makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever.

FINALLY: here’s one that sounds like it could be true.

As long as they mean my ass is getting chosen, not — you know — picked.

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