Concretely
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    • Concretely

      14 Times Benny Johnson Thinks Cement is Concrete The best thing about Buzzfeed not having editors is that when a complete genius like Benny Johnson makes a mistake while writing something for $50, he makes it 14 times. It’s kind of cute actually. Cement is the powder that makes up concrete. Not rocket science. Cement is dust, concrete is your sidewalk. Imagine looking at dry brownie mix and being all “Yum, that brownie looks good!” That’s basically Benny. Or if you saw a pile of sugar and you were like “I love pancakes!” Benny strikes again. I like how he starts off right. He’s like Concrete this and concrete that. Then he makes the conscious decision: You know, why don’t botch 14 jokes? Like if your punchline was about snow and you thought that snow and water were the same things. You’re like “Do you ever wonder if WATERmen get emphysema from smoking corncob pipes?” Then you make the same mistake 13 more times, while trying to be funny. That would be great.  Oh wait a second here. What if…follow me here… What if Benny can see the cement INSIDE the concrete! Like his vision is SO good that when he sees concrete he actually sees the cement inside it! Like us normal people, “we’re like that’s obviously concrete, because it’s solid matter, and cement is the powder that makes up concrete.” But Benny’s vision is SO supernatural that he sees the cement particles! That actually is pretty badass. In that case, Benny, I commend you and your X-men-like powers. Well, folks, it’s time for me to walk on some concrete then roll around in some cement power. So I’ll leave leave you in peace.  JUST KIDDING! I’m back! So just in case Benny wants to correct his mistake, I made my own listicle chronicling his 14 mistakes.  What happens next may surprise you… 1. And if you work for the Post Office, you have the luxury of walking own the cement block to this poorly maintained park…  2. Down from the Post Office Building, along L’Enfant’s cement, weed-choked corridor, you will find our next architectural delight! 3. Each one more cement than the next. [Even though he mixed them up here, I like the idea of something being MORE concrete than something else. Again, Benny. Genius.] 4. “You know what this building needs, John? More cement.” 5. …and a littering of dry plants, crumbling in cement pots. 6. …because a large portion of the building is just a solid cement wall. 7. Gas-powered washers are the only thing the cement respects. But the gas can is just kinda sitting there. A full can of gas. On a government building. Just sitting there. [Actually a washer could be great for cement, it could turn it into concrete] 8. “More cement.” [This one is beautiful in its simplicity, don’t you think?] 9. The Department of Education was carefully modeled after a massive cement brick. 10. Architect designing HHS: “What represents health? How about a cement square with tiny windows?” [This one’s good, cause Benny’s trying to show his superior-intellect here] 11. “And instead of giving the building four regular corners, I’ll throw a gigantic cement pillar in each one!” 12. In case there was not enough cement already, the entire building is surrounded by awkward white blocks. 13. The natural beauty of the HHS cement is complimented by the U.S. Botanic Gardens, which it directly looms over. [This one is a twofer. Cause Benny thinks that complimenting is complementing. So he thinks the US Botanic Gardens is LITERALLY complimenting the HHS Cement dust. It’s like hey cement dust, you’re so smart… and handsome ;) 14. FBI: “Hey, we have cement shrubbery containers!”