It all started in Hellementary school with one unjust sentence:
1. This A to Z bullshit meant lunch was yesterday’s leftovers for you.
YUMMY! LEFTOVER FOOD THAT WAS LEFTOVER FROM THE LEFTOVERS YOU WERE STUCK WITH YESTERDAY.
2. By the time you got your lunch, there was never anywhere left to sit in the cafeteria.
And then lunch time was over and you had roughly two bites.
3. But the discrimination didn’t stop at lunch. You were forced back to your seat IN THE BACK OF THE CLASSROOM with the other X, Y, and Zs.
4. You could never read or hear jack shit in the back of the classroom while Aaron Adams and Ashely Anderson GOT ALL OF THE ATTENTION.
5. LITERALLY NONE of your classmates knew of your existence because you were always behind them in EVERYTHING you did.
6. The words “last but not least” only inflated your inferiority complex every time your teacher called roll.
7. You heard rumors of a mythical “reverse alphabetical order.”
BUT NO SUCH THING EVER HAPPENED TO YOUR CURSED LIFE.
8. Come the end of every school year, you were on the forgotten last page of the yearbook THAT NO ONE EVER SAW.
9. Graduation was cool WHEN NO ONE CHEERED FOR YOU because everyone was ZZZ’ing by the time it was Z’s turn.
10. College was fun when you ALWAYS registered last and you were stuck with all 8 a.m. classes.
Surely the discrimination stops at some point, right?
11. End of the alphabet last names are less likely to receive tenure.
12. They’re less likely to win the Clark Medal or Nobel Prize.
13. AND THEY’RE LESS LIKELY TO LEAD THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Of the 44 U.S. presidents to date, 31 had surnames in the first half of the alphabet.
14. On top of it all, those who have a last name that falls at the end of the alphabet have been found to be more impulsive buyers because they don’t want to miss out on an opportunity.
LIKE ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES THEY MISSED OUT ON GROWING UP.
IT’S OUR TURN TO CALL FIRST DIBS FOR ONCE!!!
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