27 Men Who Brought This On Themselves

Quit dicking around.

1. MEN. What are you doing?

2. There’s nothing NOT TERRIBLE about this idea.

3. Does smashing a vacuum into your dick sound fun to you?

4. Like WHY are you doing this to yourself?

5. Did you actually think that this was going to FEEL GOOD?

6. Because that’s aluminum foil wrapped around your dick GOING INTO AN ELECTRICAL SOCKET.

7. And you’re actually dipping your dick INTO BOILING WATER.

8. Like why would you even volunteer for this?

9. Or let this bobsled shoot STRAIGHT FOR YOUR CROTCH?

10. And WHY are you PULLING A CAR with your cojones?!

11. Like HOW does this even happen??

12. Because you ARE NOT Superman and DO NOT have a dick of steel.

13. Balls 101: Keep your legs closed AT ALL TIMES.

14. ESPECIALLY if there’s a kid with a bat near you.

15. And JUST DON’T light your crotch on fire.

16. Because skin can burn AND THAT IS WHAT YOUR DICK IS MADE OF.

17. Don’t try to jump over your bro on a motorcycle.

18. Or into another bro in midair.

19. And definitely don’t let your bro recreationally PUNCH YOU IN THE BALLS.

20. Because I don’t know if you know this, but THE GROIN IS ONE OF THE MOST SENSITIVE PARTS OF THE BODY.

24. SO JUST STOP because it will never turn out how you planned it to.

25. And landing on your balls will NEVER NOT HURT.

26. So protect your future children, men.

27. And don’t take your man parts for granted.

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