Gather around children, it's time for a story. I remember like it was yesterday...
It was the summer of 2005. Brad just left Jennifer so all life on Earth was dark and unhappy.
ON TOP OF THAT, food wasn't made portable or "good-to-go" so naturally the Earth was headed into a horrible and IRREVERSIBLE depression.
Like it got so bad, all of life was filling their 8G iPod Minis at MAX CAPACITY with Evanescence songs. EVANESCENCE SONGS.
This doomed destiny was stopped in motion when a roughly seven inch hexagon impacted the Earth's surface with its MASSIVE three-fourths of an inch volume.
People around the world watched their TVs as news spread about the world's newest savior, the "Crunchwrap Supreme."
Life forms everywhere began to scream with Taco Bell dripping from their lips: "OUR PRAYERS FOR SUCH A PORTABLE GOOD-TO-GO DELICACY TO SAVE ALL OF HUMANITY AND EVERY LIVING CREATURE WITH ITS STOP SIGN SHAPE HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!"
Could it be true? Did these layers of dry lettuce, cheap nacho cheese, seasoned "beef," and a stale crunch tostata shell all wrapped in a tortilla just save humanity from an inevitable societal collapse?
All was well during the rest of summer 2005. Children were doing more chores THAN EVER to buy their beloved $1.89 before tax Crunchwraps.
And toilets were working in RECORD overtime, helping boost the economy into a new golden age.
However, all good things that come in octagons must come to an end...
When summer 2005 turned into fall 2005, the Crunchwrap Supreme was ABRUPTLY taken off Taco Bell menus around the globe WITHOUT WARNING.
Life forms began to scream with dried Taco Bell hot sauce around their lips: "OUR PRAYERS FOR SUCH A PORTABLE GOOD-TO-GO DELICACY TO SAVE ALL OF HUMANITY AND EVERY LIVING CREATURE WITH ITS STOP SIGN SHAPE HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AND THEN TAKEN AWAY!"
For the Crunchwrap Supreme was only a limited-time summer offering from the Taco Bell gods.
WHAT WERE THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD SUPPOSED TO EAT WITH THEIR BAJA BLAST MOUNTAIN DEWS?
LIFE AS WE KNEW IT was falling into a deep, dark depression once again with the absence of GOOD-TO-GO foods. JUST LIKE NOSTRA-CHALUPA-NUS PREDICATED.
As fall turned into winter, all forms of life were reflecting back on the days when the Godwrap supremely blessed their mouths with beefy steam and runny sour cream.
Then, on Janurary 30, 2006, OUT OF NOWHERE, the Taco Bell gods rebirthed the world's rightful savior and sent their only begotten son to all participating locations.
FOR THE CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME BECAME A PERMANENT MENU ITEM.
And the world was a joyful, good-to-go place once again.
And that, ladies and Gorditas, is how the Crunchwrap Supreme saved the world.
