1. So you’re a really hairy person.
And you’ve known it your whole life.
3. Your elementary school pictures always featured that all-too-familiar unibrow.
À la Megan Fox.
4. And when you were in middle school, you were your own Chia Pet.
While everyone else was just getting armpit fuzz.
6. As you got older, you thought it would get better.
But it just got thicker.
7. And as your friends became sexually active…
8. But you hoped someone out there wouldn’t mind shacking up with a rug.
9. And the hair would be some sort of kinky turn on.
11. It’s like every day someone has to remind you of the monkey on your back.
12. Like you aren’t already aware of the situation every time you look at your watch.
13. And you need at least a week to prepare for a bathing suit.
14. Because those endless cycles of exfoliating and shaving weren’t going to happen by themselves.
16. To combat the situation, you’ve tried ALL the different kinds of hair removal.
17. Like waxing.
But that was too painful to cover the lawn on your body.
18. So you thought you’d try laser hair removal.
But it was too expensive for your entire skin blanket.
19. So you moved onto hair threading.
But the threaders had to come up with frightening new methods to trim your massive hedges.
20. So you had to settle with Nair.
And to this day, you can still smell the chemicals burning your body.
22. But at the end of the day, you should be proud of it.
Because after all, it keeps you warm.