1. All those terrible dorm room decorations that you’ll literally never use again.
Ok, who drew an uncircumcised penis on my whiteboard again?
3. All that gas from driving your entire hall around freshman year because you were the only one with a car.
You made sure to leave it at home spring semester.
4. That awesome beer pong table.
It broke whenever the ball bounced on it.
5. That tanning salon membership.
Because everyone totally believed it was a natural Colorado-winter glow.
6. All that protein powder.
You were going to come back home for winter break so ripped.
8. All those late-night Taco Bell runs.
Crunchwrap Supreme, no tomatoes please.
9. All those Ugg and legging combinations you thought were trendy.
I can’t believe I left my Northface at home.
10. All those noise violation tickets because you lived next to a family.
WHY DO YOU LIVE IN A COLLEGE TOWN?
11. All those fraternity and sorority formals you don’t even remember.
And you didn’t even keep down the $100 dollar meal.
12. That terrible, ungrateful little brother/sister you were assigned to in your greek organization.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY AND TIME WENT INTO THIS PADDLE I MADE FOR YOU?
13. That Starbucks venti coffee you had to have every morning because of your 8 A.M.
or your 9 A.M., 10 A.M., and 11 A.M.
14. All those matching uniforms for your failed intramural sports team.
But you put up a fight in that quidditch match.
15. All that NyQuil you abused because you had loud roommates.
I THOUGHT IT SAID NON-HABIT FORMING ON THE BOX?
16. All those dinner and a movie dates because you were told you’d find the one in college.
THE ONE WHO’D CHEAT ON YOU WITH THE T.A.
17. All those hair appointments so you could find a new hairstyle to reinvent yourself with during your mid-college crisis.
Eventually ended in a pixie cut.
18. Those bad hair extensions after you thought you could pull off a pixie cut.
WHY DON’T I LOOK LIKE EMMA WATSON?
19. All those pay-to-park meters on campus because you wanted to snooze.
Which was equivalent to your grandparent’s tuition. (per hour)
20. That on-campus parking permit because the bus system confused you.
Also because you wanted to snooze.
21. All those drinks you bought for random girls at bars.
“It’s my 21st biiiiiirthday”
22. All those themed party outfits.
But that Snowpants or No Pants party was so worth it.
23. That graduation ring.
Because you didn’t learn from your high school graduation.
24. All that Franzia you bought after you found out you were cheated on.
You knew office hours didn’t last that long.