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1. BLURRED LINES-Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell and T.I.
"So hit me up when you passing through
I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two"
There are so many lines and words used in this song to dispel the argument that this song is about rape. "Liberate" and "Rape" may rhyme when forced (right, like you haven't heard singers/rappers make words rhyme that don't...What DOES rhyme with "Hug Me?"
However, this is by far one of the most ridiculous lines I've ever heard. I get it, he's gonna have sex with that woman so good and his shamalamadingdong is so big, that he will in fact, tear her ass in two. Way to make it really difficult to argue that this song isn't completely misogynistic. What rhymes with "douchebag?"
2. ROAR-Katy Perry
"Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero"
Can you please just go back to suggestive songs about you kissing girls and leave the wizardry of wordsmithing to first graders writing Mother's Day poetry? You went a little Muhammad Ali and ended with a whole lot of shit Mom's hang on their fridge. Enough, Katy Perry!
3. WE CAN'T STOP-Miley Cyrus
"And everyone in line in the bathroom
Trying to get a line in the bathroom"
Dear Lindsay Lohan, I mean Paris Hilton, I mean Amanda Bynes, I mean Miley...are you serious? Do you need a longer line of fame's social junkies either strung out on their drug of choice which is sometimes just vanity, avarice, and gluttony. You're not impressing any of us. Seriously, my nine year old who goes slack jawed over 1D and calls herself a "directioner" and probably makes out with her 1D dolls, finds you repulsive, repugnant, and ridiculous. Again, she's nine. For shame, Miley, for shame. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the memory of your father's mullet.
4. APPLAUSE-Lady Gaga
"Pop culture was an art, now art's a pop culture in me"
Who the hell told you that and why did they lie right to your face, Lady Gaga? Seriously, who is feeding you this shit? Am I the only person that feels like she needs to be reunited with a High School art teacher that failed her? WE get that YOU think that YOU are a performance artist. However, you're just a Madonna carry over that is trying to push the envelope with her "artistic" impressions. I think the only thing that popped in you was an embolism and now everyone has to pat you on your weird little head and tell you how profound you are.
5. RADIOACTIVE-Imagine Dragons
"Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive"
You have literally broken the laws of physics, nature, and probably religion. Ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is the first recorded case of audio vibrations literally turning into feces which is slung into your ears where it hardens and you wish like hell you could tunnel through the audible turd that has filled your brain. And for the record, I chose this line because it was in fact the most complex lyric Imagine Dragons have to offer.
6. HOLY GRAIL-Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake
"And we all just entertainers
And we're stupid, and contagious
Now we all just entertainers"
-a la Kurt Cobain (Timberlake)
Okay, so I'm really about to go at Justin Timberlake viz-a-vis Jay-Z. Enough, Jay. This weird little relationship that you've created with Justin is getting a little weird. But to the one lyric which I find a little dopey is this Kurt Cobain hook that Timberlake sings. You do know why Cobain was so popular right? He was to music what most hip hop is today; garbled lyrics which when dissected really look like someone took the words from those refrigerator word magnet kits and they just made up a song. No disrespect meant, but seriously, angel voiced, faced, and all-around-talent Justin Timberlake is the wrong person to be belting out in dulcimer tones that which was heroin mumbled by Cobain.
7. WAKE ME UP-Avicci
"So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost"
Again, can anyone string a cogent thought together in music? Wake me up when it's all over? That's stupid. If I woke you up when it's all over, you've missed everything. It's stupid, you're stupid, and I hate this song for somehow injecting country music into some weird German techno thing. It's not fair and none of us asked for this Avicci. Madonna, Cher, Sinbad and Jackee also told me to tell you that you should probably get another name in there.
8. SAFE AND SOUND-Capital Cities
"You could be my luck
Even in a hurricane of frowns
I know that we'll be safe and sound"
On behalf of everyone that suffered through Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Sandy, we will all pretend like you actually didn't use the term "hurricane of frowns." This is the kind of pretentious douchebaggery that we've come to accept in music. If there were any more suck in that line, Jenna Jameson or Tracey Lordes would have to get credit for the song. A hurricane of frowns; gee, thanks mighty protector. You'll be around when everyone is gloomy faced. Where will you be when real shit goes down. Imagine the gem we would get if Capital Cities and Alanis Morrisette collaborated. F'n epic!
9. SUMMERTIME SADNESS-Lana Del Rey ft. Cedric Gervais
"I think I'll miss you forever
Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky"
Methinks one of her old boyfriends whilst looking at his Fantasy Football lineup shrugged in agreement that her poetry was "awesome" and "unique." So, thank you thoughtless twit that didn't have the thirty seconds to spare some brutal honesty with Lana. This lyric makes absolutely no sense at all. You know that the sun is a star and that the rest of the stars are still in the sky. I mean, I'm not sure if you quite understand the basic structure of a fifth grade science lesson.
10: GET LUCKY- Daft Punk ft. Pharrell and Nile Rodgers
"She's up all night 'til the sun
I'm up all night to get some
She's up all night for good fun
I'm up all night to get lucky"
And this song DOESN'T get connected to rape? He literally is saying, you're up to have fun, I'm up to have sex. You're just havin a good time, and he is plotting how he can give you some of the ol' sauuuuuseeeeege! It's a catchy ass song but it literally repeats the word lucky at least a quarter million times.
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