1. On TV: Everyone knows your due date.
2. In reality: Everyone asks you “Any news? Have you had that baby yet?”
“Yes, why of course! I had the baby last week and didn’t tell you.”
3. On TV: Labour must start with your waters breaking.
In a public place, of course.
4. In reality: Your waters breaking is not a precursor to labour.
You face a long and boring wait, analysing every twinge.
5. On TV: You have one contraction and you are immediately in full-blown labour.
6. In reality: You spend six hours faffing with contraction-timing apps, wondering if this is active labour yet.
7. On TV: There is a 98% chance that you will never make it to the hospital in time.
8. In reality: You get to the hospital, twice, only to be sent back home because you aren’t in established labour yet.
9. On TV: Your partner’s No. 1 job is to panic and make the situation more about them.
10. In reality: Your partner’s No. 1 job is to know where everything is in your labour bag.
11. On TV: You arrive at the hospital at pushing stage.
“This baby is coming NOW!”
12. In reality: You arrive at the hospital for your induction.
Walk around. Get put on a Pitocin drip, spend quite a few hours in labour, and THEN reach pushing stage.