71 Thoughts You Have When You Get Your First Dog

“It was so much easier when my mom took care of the dog!”

1. Ah PUPPY this is so awesome!
2. I can’t believe I finally have my own warm little puppy!
3. I love him so much!
4. Ow, his teeth hurt weirdly more than a normal dogs?
5. That’s okay! I still love him!
6. That’s what chew toys are for, right?

7. Damnit, he’s asleep already! It’s only noon! I wanted to play more!
8. Oh, but he’s so cute when he sleeps.
9. My god, that is the cutest thing.
10. I’m just going to pick him up and snuggle.
11. Ahahaha he just farted.
12. Oh god, puppy farts.
13. Can I handle this?
14. Yeah, I can handle this.
15. Did I just get a child? Is this now my child?
16. No, you can’t leave a baby alone for an hour.
17. Okay, phew.
18. But he’s so cute, he’s kind of like my furry child.
19. Can I get away with putting clothes on him?
20. What if I don’t make him go outside in clothes, that’s not weird, right?
21. I guess it’s time for bed, he’s so cute.

22. Oh my god, it’s the middle of the night, why is he crying?
23. I wish I didn’t have to go outside in the middle of the night.
24. This is what I signed up for, I knew this would happen, it’s okay.
25. This was so much easier when my mom took care of everything.
26. Am I going to be able to do this?
27. Is it bad I don’t want to be up at this hour of the night?
28. He’s not even peeing, he didn’t even have to pee.
29. Okay, thank god it’s time to go back inside.
30. Oh, he’s asleep again, how cute. Now I can sleep.
31. I JUST FELL ASLEEP, WHY IS HE CRYING
32. I’m going to start crying soon.
33. Oh, no. He just shit everywhere.
34. I am crying now but don’t know if it’s fear or the smell.
35. I am not grown up enough for this.
36. Is this how it will always be?
37. Oh no, he looks so sad about it.
38. I can’t be mad at that face.
39. Oh, he’s so cute again now that he’s clean.
40. Did he just tear up my favorite book?
41. AKSHDLKAJSDFHIUYDF
42. Okay, it’s okay, he’s so cute.
43. This is what love is.
44. What a cute tummy.
45. Look at those puppy eyes!

46. How many nicknames is too many for a dog?
47. He’s getting the hang of this whole thing.
48. I’m kind of getting the hang of this whole thing!
49. Does he think I’m his mother/father?
50. Does he think he’s going to grow up and look like me?
51. Does he think all dogs turn into humans?
52. Can he read my thoughts?
53. If he blinks twice now, it means he can read my thoughts.
54. Did he just blink twice?!?
55. Am I going crazy?
56. Is it weird that he’s seen me naked?
57. It would be weird if he could speak.
58. Why is that so different?
59. Oh, let’s go for a walk!
60. Walking is so much fun.
61. I love meeting new people and dogs.
62. Oh god, okay, meeting new people isn’t that great.
63. But my dog is perfect.
64. Except for eating all that crap off the ground.
65. It’s okay, he’ll learn “drop it” soon enough.
66. Okay, I can do this.
67. The love is worth the work.
68. This work will pay off and he will be the most magnificent creature.
69. His magnificence will only be matched with his love.
70. I hope he knows how much I love him!
71. AH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

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