1. So, after Jesus was crucified he was put in his own tomb.
(Very nice accommodations.)
3. THEN SUDDENLY a violent earthquake struck and everyone was like, “WHAT’S THAT? WHO’S THERE?”
8. On their way they ran into Jesus and he was all, “Yeah, it’s me, Jesus. Don’t tell me you’re not impressed.”
9. The tomb guards also tried to report it to the high priests but agreed to stay silent for some cash monies.
10. Anyways, Jesus went about, catching up and saying hey to his disciples. He could do a lot of tricks to prove who he was, like go through doors and probably hop from tree to tree*.
*He probably didn’t hop from tree to tree.
13. …but because people could physically touch him, they asserted he was not a ghost.
14. Then, after 40 days, he decided to go back to heaven but not before he promised one thing…
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