The Great Panda Conspiracy

The mayor of D.C. doesn’t want the city to shut down next week for reasons bigger than we ever could have imagined: fear of a panda takeover. Thanks to Mike Madden for this invaluable information that will effect our nation.

1. So next week, the federal government might shut down, and along with it, the famed panda cam.

2. Some assume it’s just that the pandas want some privacy, a vacation if you will, from the spotlight…

3. But sources indicate the motives of the pandas aren’t so innocent. Perhaps, even sinister…

Sources: my imagination

4. …there is talk of a panda takeover of some sort.

5. Murmurs in the panda community have indicated that this could be a huge, world-changing event…

6. It may involve DRONES.

7. Still don’t believe me? Check out this agenda sent by an anonymous undercover spy…

PDA (Panda Detective Agency)

This reads:
1. Turn off camera
2. Collect camera equipment
3. Rebuild to use on hoomans (translation: humans)
4. Put hoomans in zoo
5. Observe
6. Collect CASH MONEY

8. Makes you question what this guy’s hugging, doesn’t it?

9. The news is downright shocking, until steps are retraced and we remember how secretive pandas are…

10. They’ve been practicing their war song for some time.

12. Their bravery, unparalleled.

13. So don’t be fooled by their quiet, cuddly demeanor any longer…

14. Just know: We have been warned.

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

Facebook Conversations
          
    Now Buzzing