1. "I've researched all I intend to buy at this year's glorious Black Friday."
2. "The real challenge is getting my glutes in shape."
3. "Bitches are always going to be getting in your way, gotta practice keeping focused on the task at hand no matter what."
4. "Let's be real: even friends will turn against you and try and steal your jam."
5. "Taking things out of anyone's hands is my number one skill. It is what I would enter 'The Hunger Games' with if it was real."
6. "This IS the 'Hunger Games', mother fucker."
7. "I know how it looks but I'm stealing a wallet so I can figure out how to snag those dealzz."
8. "I've been practicing meditation so I remain calm in the madness."
9. "Repeat mantra: Stare at prize, win prize, give as gift later, win Christmas forever."
10. "Hey! Down here! I've been practicing my sneak attack since last year; impressive, right?"
11. "It is literally a dog-eat-dog world come Black Friday and if you want that sled, you gotta grab it."
12. "Someone takes that last on-sale waffle maker? Fucking take it for yourself, that's all I know."
13. "Oh don't judge me for stealing from a baby. Those kinds of 'morals' during Black Friday are reserved for the weak, THE WEAK, I SAY."
14. "Last year, I forgot to go and THIS is what I was stuck wearing for a year. THE HORROR."
15. "Carpool sitch? Got that shit figured out months ago. Piece of advice: only allow the people you trust."
16. "Beginning of the summer, I could only pick up one ball at a time. With training, I'm up to three. I GOT THIS."
17. "I know I don't need another toaster oven, but who am I to refuse the deal?"
18. "Practice reaching, practice concentration so I don't have to practice defeat."
19. "I KNOW THIS IS A MAIN SYMPTOM OF MY FOMO AND I STILL CAN'T RESIST!!"
20. "Last year, I got so overwhelmed, I let everyone run around me. I actually don't know if I can do this again next year."
21. "We just found out Black Friday starts Thanksgiving Day so we're sticking with the more important thing we've prepared for."
