5. The Ring Finger
Reason: The ring finger is so boring that it had to be given a designation that can literally be applied to every other finger. It’s like giving a fake job to a kid to make him feel special. Except it’s a finger and it needs to grow the fuck up.
4. The Pinky Finger
Reason: OK, the pinky is cute and all but it’s so effin’ pretentious and impractical. Like, come ON, Pinky, are you THAT desparate for attention??
3. The Pointer Finger
Reason: WOW talk about JUDGMENTAL. Didn’t your mother tell ya not to point? It’s higher on the list ‘cause sometimes pointing is useful like, “HEY, LOOK AT THAT SPACE SHIP.”
2. The Middle Finger
Reason: Umm, you can say a lot with this one finger. Use it sparingly, obviously, but MAN THAT POWER.