1. Why?
2. Who hurt you?
3. Do you want a reason for kids to not like you?
4. Were you never a kid?
5. Are you an alien sent from outer space and that's why you were never a kid?
6. Can you show me your childhood pictures so I can see proof you were, in fact, once a human child?
7. Have you never had candy before?
8. Do you know the purpose of Halloween?
9. Why not get Raisenettes? A little healthy, a little not?
10. Do you not like fun?
11. Do you have taste buds?
12. WHY?
13. If you don't like candy yourself, do you understand most kids want candy?
14. Did you just want to sit Halloween out? 'Cause that's okay too.
15. Do you also insist on no cake on someone's birthday?
16. What??
17. Have you met children?
18. Are you trying to be the scariest house?
19. Can you at least put a sign outside as a warning?
20. Seriously, what?
21. You do know "nature's candy" is not the same thing as actual candy, right?
22. What about fun-size candies? They're fewer calories, if you're afraid of that.
23. Are you a dentist?
24. If you are a dentist, don't you think it'd be better for your business to give out candy?
25. How about you give a toothbrush WITH the candy?
26. WHO ARE YOU???
27. I get it, you just have never eaten candy?
28. Do you enjoy being the Halloween Grinch?
29. Did you once have a bad candy? Because not all candy is bad, I promise.
30. Are you afraid of too much of a good thing?
31. Are you afraid of good things?
32. Do you like seeing the disappointed look of children?
33. Are you the witch from Hansel and Gretel but you reformed and are now the opposite?
34. What is wrong with you?
35. Seriously, do you like happiness?
36. Let's be real for a second: who hurt you??
37. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU????