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Proof That Geese Are Actually Demon Spawns From Hell

THE HISSING AND THE DROOLING. It will haunt you.

1. True story: I love feeding ducks. I find them endearingly derpy.

2. Then the geese show up and all hell breaks loose.

They are not afraid to approach you at an alarming speed.

3. This is the physical embodiment of evil.

They will hiss at you to hand over the bread. JUST FUCKING DO IT.

4. They attack children and the elderly.

Geese do not discriminate.

5. They think biking is for losers.

6. Don’t even think about entering their domain.

This makes me never want to go kayaking, like, ever.

7. They hate your red sweatsuit and high-tops.

8. They want to make you late for work.

They own this sidewalk now. JUST LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK, YOU FOOL.

10. They will wait for you in the parking lot if they have to.

11. Don’t offer your finger to the geese. All parts of the hand are tasty to them.

Seriously…wtf.

12. They are completely impervious to your efforts at frightening them.

13. They do not feel fear.

They are fear.

14. Have you ever been goosed by a goose?

If so, you’re not alone.

15. Do not be fooled by their tiny, fluffy babies.

That is how they lure you in.

16. If you touch their babies, you will feel their full wrath.

Never do this.

17. This feels like a trap.

18. They aren’t afraid to use you as a flotation device.

Um, you know how to swim, so STOP PLAYING MIND GAMES.

19. When you close your eyes at night these are the last faces you will see.

20. SO HIDE YOUR CHILDREN.

21. ‘Cause these training legions of tiny hell beasts are on the loose.

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