1. True story: I love feeding ducks. I find them endearingly derpy.
2. Then the geese show up and all hell breaks loose.
They are not afraid to approach you at an alarming speed.
3. This is the physical embodiment of evil.
They will hiss at you to hand over the bread. JUST FUCKING DO IT.
4. They attack children and the elderly.
Geese do not discriminate.
6. Don’t even think about entering their domain.
This makes me never want to go kayaking, like, ever.
7. They hate your red sweatsuit and high-tops.
8. They want to make you late for work.
They own this sidewalk now. JUST LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK, YOU FOOL.
9. They are extremely patient.
10. They will wait for you in the parking lot if they have to.
11. Don’t offer your finger to the geese. All parts of the hand are tasty to them.
12. They are completely impervious to your efforts at frightening them.
14. Have you ever been goosed by a goose?
If so, you’re not alone.
15. Do not be fooled by their tiny, fluffy babies.
That is how they lure you in.
16. If you touch their babies, you will feel their full wrath.
Never do this.
18. They aren’t afraid to use you as a flotation device.
Um, you know how to swim, so STOP PLAYING MIND GAMES.