A REBUTTAL LIST: Why Those 14 Things Are Said To Single People

Because quite frankly if you don't shut up about being single, we don't have to shut up with these throw away "stock" lines. We're just being nice, how about we all be quiet and watch Game of Thrones instead?

To completely understand this; you must first see the list from GabbieH

First off, let me start by saying I consider myself quite a big fan of The Gabbie Show on Vine, so before you go tearing me down, consider I'm an actual comedian who has written for humorous venues before. (If that doesn't cool your jets, look up the saying about imitation and flattery.)

We're here to try and make some jokes, without further ado...

So, in the exact order Gabbie presented it:

1. "INTIMIDATION" -

We're gonna go ahead and kinda put a pin on this subject, because it will be linked to a couple of issues, thus being brought up a couple more times here. These issues are based on how you are presenting yourself, and how you are being perceived by your look/expressions. In some cases if you're trying to snag the next Mr. or Mrs. Your Last Name, but you're dressed like you're DTF, then those types of people likely pass. Next time dress like you're down for TLC. But good luck with your 4 hour rendezvous with good ole' Mark...or Mike... the guy who left before breakfast. He really dug your plunging neckline.

'Intimidated' is sometimes used as a kind way of saying "dressing whorish"

2. "RELATIONSHIPS ARE A HASSLE" -

We're already going to attach that #1 pin here, but roll ahead regardless. Think that "oh man, I've gotta go to this place to try and pick up guys/girls" or the "Man I don't have anything to do" sucks? Replace it with "Sigh, *WE* are going to see this new play that my new him/her friend really like, it should be….visual death, I'm going to die out of my eyes and bleed through my feelings for two and half hours trying to impress that thing. Hopefully I can get him/her to not really give a shit about this and we stop doing this in like a year….that or I'm going to be converted kicking and screaming to this persons special *Friday Night Interest*" Next thing you know you're wearing shirts of things you wouldn't even know what they stood for before you met this person. -You're right, give me a night of constantly needing to be "ON" because the next 'one' could be around. No thank you, I enjoy just slouching every now and again. Being single (if you're looking to fix it) is a hassle. - One way or another, your weekends suck. Welcome to adulthood.

3. "WHAT'S THE RUSH" -

Riiiiiight. And you can't tell why you're single? I can't believe Stalker McDaterapey Weirdopants hasn't scooped you up yet. Sorry, love just kinda happens. Hate to burst the bubble but the "love at first sight" is just not a 21st century thing. (Psst, people these days get freaked out if you use the love word too soon… ie. first sight)

4. "HOW ARE YOU SINGLE" -

Wow, the ego thing really doesn't fly too well. We can pin this one too, but #5 covers the follow up here so we won't- The same way you're complaining about being single and "WAH WAH WAH" maybe goes both ways…like as in people YOU'VE shot down. I laughed at the idea of karma in my early 20s, but I'm here to tell you, karma. It exists. Take that annoying person who somehow makes noise chewing grapes out for coffee, and just double check to make sure that there's more reasons to not be with that person than just "he kinda looks funny when he smiles"…it may pay off in the future. Also, who knows- that person may be putting up with your rather unattractive sunflower seed habit, and you actually let each others shortcomings fall by the waist side and suddenly you're on date 5 with "ew not him ever"

5. "YOU'RE TOO PICKY" -

Hey would you look at that, I covered this already. The 'standards' go both ways. And if you're at the point where you're looking in a mirror asking your reflection "WHY WON'T ANYBODY GO OUT WITH ME" like the Kardashian version of Snow White, then chances are your appeal has taken a hit. The sexy panther "come hither" look that you've saved for snagging those you're interested in has long degenerated into a "Please, Me, now" ragged alley cat stare. All those moments when you say to yourself "ew why is _____ with _____? _______ is so out of _____'s league" - perhaps that was a first date that was a "eh, f*ck it, I don't really want to but whatever" and then developed. We can also tag the "love at first site" thing. If you're going to make relationship choices on a small window of information, then maybe look up Russian mail-orders. You can then LITERALLY pick from a book...

6. "ANY GIRL/GUY WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU" -

No, not except you, that's usually code for "…normally, but right now you're like a ragged alley cat" And while we're on the subject, what do you mean "except for me?!" -WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING PICKY?!

7. "LET ME SET YOU UP" -

Oh no? Then shut the f*ck up about being single/third wheel/etc.

8. "THEY WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH ANYWAY" -

Boy, my feelings are starting to lean towards you'd rather just plain want to hear "You are a bit full of yourself, how much longer do I have to say these kind things to boost your ego, ...are you SURE you don't want me to hook you up with one of my friends?"

9. "THEY WILL COME AROUND" -

Again, go back inside. Masturbate to keep your "you" time in check. But this actually is quite true. Go watch 'Swingers' it really is gospel for the single folk. If you kind of dig somebody who isn't available for whatever reason, keep them in your life somehow, and just be you. Win them over. Let time take the wheel. Wow, this one wasn't at all facetious...WTF?

10. "GET OUT MORE" -

Yeah this is kinda a catch 22. You wanna try and be your best self, but not like job interviews, like you want to catch attention. Usually it's when you're having fun being yourself. Sucks, but again go watch 'Swingers' - when you find who you are being single, you attract people. Plus, it's hard to snag the next "one" in your living room while watching 'Hoarders'

11. "FOCUS ON YOU" -

Well if you're going to be so goddamn picky, then figure out exactly who it is you want this miracle 1 in a million person to know exactly what it is they've won...

12. "I WISH I WAS SINGLE" -

Gabbie's cute, she said: 'i'll take your boyfriend off your arms'

He's not into you. You come off as desperate and weird to him. And the grass is always concrete.

13. "PLENTY OF FISH" -

Either you want to be picky or not- I can't tell if you're trying to have the entire single race seem desperate, picky, or the "c" word-y. God forbid we go on some bad dates to weed out the ones we DON'T want? (The bad dates are what make you appreciate the decent people, and CHERISH the good ones) Yes, plenty of fish. Some are guppies. Some are Hammerheads. They don't call back after the fourth date, but ladies....eh? Know why they call him "Hammerhead?" ...wait, what the hell am I doing...lastly...

14. "YOU'RE GOOD BY YOURSELF" -

Clearly not, or this list would not exist.

Keep up the good work kiddo, what sucks is the misery is what makes us funny. For success' sake, you don't want to be happy-trust me. Either make them laugh and be rich or be "happy"

...echk.