Why It's Awesome To Be From New Jersey

And why we don't care if you agree. NJ all day!

When someone asks where you're from and you proudly proclaim New Jersey, their reaction is always the same.

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"Oh, you're from New Jersey?"

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"I was in New Jersey once. At the airport."

It doesn't matter if you tell them NJ is a great place to live...

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...their opinion of the Garden State is pretty unwavering.

The reason why New Jerseyites don't argue the point any further is pretty simple.

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We are perfectly happy living here and we don't need to convert you — there are already nearly 9 million people who call NJ home.

I mean, does your state make pizza slices as big as babies?

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(Note: Two plates are required to support the deliciousness of this slice. And if you stick eight of 'em together, it's called a pie.)

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I didn't think so.

New Jersey is home to some of music's biggest legends.

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Like Bruce Springsteen, the most American man to ever live.

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Or Whitney Houston, who had (has?) the voice of an angel.

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Or this guy. What's his name again? Oh yeah, Frank Motherfugging Sinatra. Born and raised in Hoboken, New Jersey (the same place that baby-sized pizza came from).

Speaking of Sinatra, did you know it's a scientific fact that New Jersey breeds the toughest sonsabitches around?

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Here's a photo of Sinatra doing what he does best: not giving a fuck.

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And here's Joe Pesci, a Newark native, wearing a leather jacket in the middle of the summer in Ala-fuggin'-bama because he's Joe Pesci.

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Ice-T is also from Newark, and there was a time before Ice Loves Coco when he was considered to be a very tough guy.

This probably has something to do with the fact that NJ is home to one of the most dangerous cities in America: Camden.

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So even though it's sandwiched between New York City and Philadelphia, you're more likely to get knifed right here in NJ! Impressive, no?

Reeelax, we're not all in the mob.

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Or are we?

New Jerseyites also have an unmatched sense of humor.

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I mean, "Garden" State?

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That was a trick. We ARE the Garden State. We earned that title by being so damn gardeny.

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New Jersey's third biggest industry is agriculture (after kickin' butts and takin' names), and we have more horses than Kentucky. Ya hear that, Kentucky?

New Jersey is so awesome, New York sports teams are dying to play here.

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Ever hear of the New York Giants? Or the New York Jets? More like New Jersey Gigantic Fighter Jets, as they would be called if NJ had its way. Either way, their stadium is located in East Rutherford, NJ.

It's so great, people write hit musicals about it.

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And they sell out theaters even though a large portion of the dialogue is just "Eyyy, ya fugginass o!"

And grown men wail about its women.

SHA LA LA LA LA LA

New Jersey is centrally located near many major attractions.

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It's close to decent-sized mountainous regions (no disrespect, Colorado); New York and Philly; and of course, the Jersey Shore.

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Not this abomination.

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Most of the people (a loose term) on that show (a looser term) aren't even from NJ. They slither out of their holes in the North to grease up our beautiful beaches.

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In fact, we have over 300 miles of coastline. What do you have 300 miles of, Rhode Island? Oh, right...

By law, we are not allowed to pump our own gas.

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And as douchey as that may sound, we still have some of the lowest gas prices in the country. Cry about it, California.

And we have our own traffic laws.

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If you're in NJ and you hear someone mention a jug handle, they don't mean this:

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They mean this:

It's a traffic system in which turning traffic exits right to go left. Why? Because screw you, that's why!

And if you want to learn other weird things about NJ, you can read this:

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Because we've got enough interesting stuff going on here we can fill a friggin' book.

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Like this guy, the Jersey Devil. Yeah, that's an actual legend in New Jersey and not just a hockey team. It lives in the Pine Barrens and has been flying around and freaking everybody out with its hideous appearance since the 1700s. How?

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NJ is a mystical place.

New Jersey has a lot of personality.

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No, seriously, it sort of looks like a person.

It produced these entertaining human beings:

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You're welcome.

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You're welcome.

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You're welcome.

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You're welcome.

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Our bad.

NJ is home to one of the country's best theme parks, Six Flags Great Adventure.

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But if you're looking to get your adrenaline pumping, you can just go to one of our billion malls.

Driving in circles looking for parking and yelling at pedestrians who get in your way will really get your heart rate up — take our word for it.

And our breakfast sandwiches...

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MEOW!

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Taylor ham, egg & cheese on a bagel? A thousand times, yes.

By the way, this is the view from some parts of Hudson County, NJ.

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Living in New York's shadow has its upsides.

In sum, NJ is a fantastic place to call home whether you want to believe it or not.

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And to everyone who calls it the "armpit of America," you wish your armpits looked this good.

One more thing: stop calling it "Joisey."

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No one calls it that.