1. With over 80 colleges in the Boston area, chances are, if you didn’t go to school in Bean Town, you at least know someone who did.
One in five people walking down the street in Boston is either a college student, a professor, or affiliated with higher education in some way. So if you scream, “HEY SMARTYPANTS,” in any crowded public bathroom, you’re guaranteed to get at least one person’s attention.
2. Because of this, Boston has earned itself the nickname “America’s college town.”
For a lot parents and sparkling-eyed freshman, this title may call to mind images of students in letterman sweaters studying into the wee hours of the night in historic libraries.
3. Really all it means is that Boston will never have to worry about its alcohol sales.
A citywide alcohol shortage? Maybe.
4. Boston’s an OK city to attend college in if you value the changing seasons.
And that one week in October when it’s fall. (Also known as the week every single college tour takes place).
9. It’s also a great city if you love sports.
Well, if you love their sports.
10. And if you’re looking for cultural diversity, you’re in luck! There are kids from all over New Jersey, Long Island, and California.
They’ll make it quite clear that they’re respectively disappointed in Boston’s bagels, pizza, and Mexican food.
And the local kids are like, “What? We’ve got Dunkin’ Donuts, Papa John’s, and Qdoba.”
12. It’s a city steeped in rich American history, and it’s home to many badass founding fathers.
Like Ben Franklin, the guy who invented the library so that you could one day forfeit your happiness there during finals week.
And Sam Adams, the guy who helped you reclaim your happiness after finals week.
14. At least there’s stuff to do downtown! Museums, symphonies, ball games…
But with your outrageous tuition costs, you’ll probably spend most of your time watching the sea lions swim in circles outside the aquarium since you can’t afford the entry fee.
15. Boston has a bustling nightlife, though!
If by night you mean 12:15 a.m., because that’s when the public transportation stops running.
Boston’s other nickname is “The Walking City.” That’s because even the drunkest of drunks can find their way home using that glowing orange North Star aka the Citgo sign.
18. But Boston definitely knows how to party.
Not that party. Dance parties! House parties! Frat parties! (Because no one’s fake can get past Boston ID scanners).
Three-quarters of your college years will be spent doing this in someone’s basement in Allston, Mission Hill, or Jamaica Plain.
20. Speaking of Allston…
Moving to Allston will feel like a cultural rite of passage at first. But when you’re squishing cockroaches with a bottle of Olde English and taking swigs between the kills at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday, it’ll hit you:
22. But it’s all worth it when you realize the Common is your “quad.”
25. Going to school in Boston means knowing that a Smoot is an acceptable form of measurement.
26. And the T is free when it’s above ground.
This is a joke. Pay your fare!
27. And Mike’s may be the best, but the line is always shorter at Modern.
28. And the best time to redecorate your apartment is on Renters’ Christmas (Sept. 1).
29. And only freshman try to transfer at Copley.
And pronounce it Copely.
I mean “Patriot’s Day.”
I mean “start-drinking-at-10 a.m.-and-pass-out-by-5-after-a-long-day-of-cheering-on-marathon-runners” day.