1. Intense boyband worship is nothing new.
I mean, some of our mothers were the original fangirls.
2. But Britain’s own One Direction has been the target of some pretty intense fangirling lately.
Their fans call themselves “Directioners,” and the only direction they’re headed is straight to the looney bin.
3. Directioners do the typical fangirl things like crying at the thought of their favorite band,
5. and doing whatever this is for their favorite band.
(Side note: someone should photoshop this so the shirts read “One Eyebrow.” The girl on the right knows what I’m talking about.)
6. But thanks to the internet, they’re also doing stuff like this:
For reasons that are completely unknown to mankind.
8. Sometimes they pretend 1D members have identical twins.
Which can be strangely convincing.
9. But then it goes kinda far…
Definitely on the crazy train.
10. Like, it seriously crosses a line…
Is nothing sacred?
12. They also occasionally imagine the pretty boys of 1D have a darker side by photoshopping excessive tattoos and piercings into their pictures.
Which begs the question, why not just fangirl out to a darker band if that’s what you’re into?
14. And when they get really carried away, they add eyeliner and a skateboard—the essential accessories of bad boys everywhere.
Silly Directioners, don’t you know mall grabbing is for squares?
15. I mean, there are entire tumblrs dedicated to doing nothing more than changing the boys’ eye color.
Here is a photograph of Louis Tomlinson with brown eyes. The correct response to the aforementioned statement is “he doesn’t have brown eyes?”
16. There are also entire tumblrs dedicated to closely monitoring fictitious romantic relationships between members of the band.
The internet calls this “shipping,” which makes me long for the days when shipping meant sending things you didn’t want far, far away from your home in a cardboard box.
17. Which means fangirls say things like this:
What has the English language ever done to you, internet?
18. One Direction shipping obviously gets carried away to obscene (sometimes vaguely pornographic) levels, so instead of showing you an example, here’s a platypus:
Marvelous creatures, aren’t they? Anyway, back to nutty 1D fans.
19. Sometimes, they play with dolls that look like the band and post the photos for other Directioners to enjoy.
But don’t worry, it’s not what you’re thinking…
20. Oh, wait, no. It is exactly what you were thinking…
23. And the things Directioners tweet will make your dialing finger itchy for those three magic numbers.
26. Their behavior on the internet makes it easier to understand why things like this happen when Directioners are confronted with their idols in real life:
Although, you might expect them to do something a tad more original, since hurling footwear at British people has been done to death.
27. So congratulations, Directioners!
You’ve somehow made the internet less safe for our children (which is ironic, since most of you are children).