Stephen Pawking: If only that were true! Yes, The Vet is real, and new findings reveal that a cat’s behavior doesn’t correlate with trips to The Vet. So even if you’ve been especially careful, your human still may make you go. Don’t worry, every cat goes through it at least once.
SP: When your friends come home from The Vet groggy and uninterested in even the most exciting dangling string, it’s hard not to chalk it up to brainwashing. But in a recent study, the vast majority of cats who were taken to The Vet eventually experienced a full recovery.
SP: This is a very old, widespread rumor that most likely dates back to the post-Flea Plague era, at which time records show that increasing numbers of cats began enduring trips to The Vet. The Vet was still very ill-understood at this time, which is why many “facts” like this spread easily. Today, we have gathered many eyewitness reports that prove that The Vet is in fact a human, or even many humans working together.
SP: False! Dogs have been spotted waiting with their owners to be seen by The Vet many times. This one is just plain old litterbox gossip, I’m afraid.
SP: I wish I could confirm this, but nine is all we get. We have not gathered evidence of any cat gaining lives after a visit to The Vet.
SP: While thought-monitoring isn’t totally out of the question for Vet researchers and scholars, the cone most likely has nothing to do with it. It seems that the cone is more of an isolation device, perhaps making it harder for a recently-returned cat to share his or her experiences with friends and family. What information does The Vet not want us to spread? This is still unclear to us.
SP: Up until very recently, this was a widely-accepted theory. However, we are now confident that the two are unrelated. That doesn’t mean the Weird Moving Red Dot should be trusted, though, so don’t let your guard down completely.
SP: Quite probable, but the actual reason is because The Vet is far away.
SP: This would certainly seem to be the case, but it’s actually the opposite: cats who are routinely taken to The Vet live longer. Many of us in academic circles suspect that the motives of The Vet are, at least in part, malicious, but we also have reason to believe that The Vet possesses some kind of mysterious healing power. Trips to The Vet will often coincide with sickness, which is prompting scholars to ask whether The Vet is actually making us healthier when we’re ill. Do they want to keep us alive longer so they can study us? Hopefully soon we’ll know for sure.
SP: Actually, this one is still debatable, but hasn’t been definitively proven yet. I can say for sure that there are several catnip-related trials scheduled later this year that will be testing strength, potency, and ability to knock things off shelves. We’ll have a report on the results, so stay tuned!
About The Guest Editor
Dr. Stephen Pawking attended Catbridge Unipurrsity as a kitten, and soon broke into mainstream academia with his first essay, Do Humans Think? He later accepted the position of Purrfessor of Human Studies at Mew York Unipurrsity, where he currently teaches graduate courses on Human Cognition and Behavioral Studies. He has written several bestselling books exploring human motives and human-cat interaction. Dr. Pawking resides in a box next to the lamp, which must be on at all times or he will get scared and claw the couch.