1. If you’re going to convince your human to let you in and out at a moment’s notice, you have to pretend you don’t care either way.
3. Did reverse psychology not work? No matter. Your human is probably having a person-nap.
Stare at him until he feels your presence in his very dreams.
4. Do what’s necessary to get this furless beast off the squishy thing they’re always sleeping on.
7. If your human continues to deny you access to the free world, threaten his watermelon.
9. WAIT - I meant the small human. Threaten that.
I can never remember which one they value most.
12. Use your brute strength to bring him to his knees.
13. Stand directly in front of the magic light box when they’re looking at it.
17. If all else fails, withhold love.
This method is 100% effective.