1. Salmon Tartare
Nothing is better than fresh salmon! Careful timing will save you a ton of effort in this delicious dish.
1 human with salmon
1. Meow at the human with salmon. Ideally, you’re looking to begin meowing the instant the salmon appears. If you wait too long, the human may begin the cooking process, which might endanger the success of this recipe.
2. Continue meowing until a few scraps of salmon are thrown to you. Don’t be disheartened if this takes upwards of 45 minutes; this recipe is easy, but it can take time.
Active time: 30 minutes to an hour
Yield: 1 serving
2. Tossed Tuna
Tuna is a delicious fish, and no preparation has stood the test of time more than the classic can. Some unique seasoning really amps up the flavor profile on this particular dish.
1 human with tuna can in garbage
1. Depending on your taste, wait until the middle of the night or until you’re alone to begin this recipe. Firmly place your front paws on the edge of the garbage can. Bear down with your full weight; don’t be afraid of using some force. The contents of the garbage can should be spilled onto the floor.
2. Locate the tossed can of tuna and lick clean. It’s that simple and that delicious!
3. Optional: If any liquids leak onto the floor, you can garnish by tracking paw prints onto the cleanest surfaces.
Active time: 1 to 13 hours
Yield: 2 servings
3. Seasoned Cod
You can really run with this dish and make it your own, but we’ll outline the basics for you.
1 human with cod
1. Watch the human with cod fish. You’re going to need to access the cod fish shortly, so make sure you know the best route to get to the fish.
2. Jump into the cod. This is important—being near the cod might not be enough. Once you’re paw-deep in cod, lay down. The goal is to get as much of your fur on the cod as possible. Ideally, the human with cod fish will abandon it. Sometimes, depending on your technique, the cod will be placed in a trash can. Check out the recipe for tossed tuna for tips on how to handle this culinary setback!
Active time: 2 minutes
Yield: 2-4 servings
4. Fresh Canned Anchovies
Salty and savory, anchovies are a cat’s best edible friend! This recipe is simple enough to follow, and requires only some light prepping to execute like a pro.
1 human with anchovies
1. Place yourself between the left and right legs of the one human with a can of anchovies.
2. Wait for the human to attempt to move in any direction (can take up to 15 minutes).
3. When the human moves, stand firm. If you’ve executed this properly, the anchovies should be tossed in front of you and lightly coated in dust.
4. Optional: Garnish by regurgitating half of the semi-chewed anchovy onto one human with a can of anchovies’ pillow.
Active time: 1 to 15 minutes
Yield: 2 servings
5. Snatched Snapper
It’s aromatic, it’s light, and it’s a great snack for the cat on the run!
1 human with snapper
1. Slowly approach the one human with snapper from behind.
2. Quickly grab the snapper and run to a place the one human with snapper cannot follow. You may use your best judgement, but we recommend someplace difficult to reach even with a broom. Above kitchen cabinets works well, as does behind washing machines and—if you can manage it—in the lining of the couch.
Active time: 30 seconds
Yield: 1-4 servings