1. Just like clockwork*, your period has arrived.
3. Because it’s meant to be so empowering.
6. But the process can be be slightly alarming.
7. And not at all comfortable.
8. So you trim the “stem” like the instructions say, but that doesn’t seem to help.
9. And realise that even when you get the stem length figured out, you didn’t put it in properly.
11. And when you do finally do get it in properly, you’re convinced this will happen if you sneeze.
12. You also find yourself wanting to tell everyone about it.
13. And to give everyone an update on how you’re doing, and that you have a cup shoved up your vagina.
14. But strangely, nobody wants to know the details.
15. You obsessively watch the clock to see when it’s time to change it.
16. Because you don’t want to find out what will happen if you leave it in too long.
17. But you’re also afraid of what will happen when you take it out for the first time.
20. And, just as you feared, you think it might be stuck.
21. You definitely think it’s stuck.
And you realise this is the worst thing that could ever happen. Ever.
23. And now you know that when you take it out, it’s not like you’re unblocking a dam.
27. And then you need to find a way to clean your cup without making a huge, obvious mess.
28. And then you have to put it back in.
29. And by the time you’ve got it back inside, and you’ve washed your hands for the zillionth time, you feel like you’ve been in the bathroom for like, three hours.
30. And you start to wonder if using a Mooncup is really all it’s cracked up to be.
31. And you fantasise about your cotton friends of yore.
33. Your tampon-loving friends just don’t understand why you would put yourself through this.
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