1. Just like clockwork*, your period has arrived.
8. So you trim the “stem” like the instructions say, but that doesn’t seem to help.
9. And realise that even when you get the stem length figured out, you didn’t put it in properly.
11. And when you do finally do get it in properly, you’re convinced this will happen if you sneeze.
12. You also find yourself wanting to tell everyone about it.
13. And to give everyone an update on how you’re doing, and that you have a cup shoved up your vagina.
15. You obsessively watch the clock to see when it’s time to change it.
16. Because you don’t want to find out what will happen if you leave it in too long.
17. But you’re also afraid of what will happen when you take it out for the first time.
20. And, just as you feared, you think it might be stuck.
21. You definitely think it’s stuck.
And you realise this is the worst thing that could ever happen. Ever.
23. And now you know that when you take it out, it’s not like you’re unblocking a dam.
27. And then you need to find a way to clean your cup without making a huge, obvious mess.
29. And by the time you’ve got it back inside, and you’ve washed your hands for the zillionth time, you feel like you’ve been in the bathroom for like, three hours.
30. And you start to wonder if using a Mooncup is really all it’s cracked up to be.
31. And you fantasise about your cotton friends of yore.
33. Your tampon-loving friends just don’t understand why you would put yourself through this.
- Two people on a civilian airplane were killed in a mid-air collision with a military jet in South Carolina. The F-16 jet pilot was ejected and is "in good shape."
- Bounce TV and BET will no longer air series featuring Bill Cosby after court records showed he admitted to buying sedatives to give to women.
- Harry Shearer, the voice of Mr. Burns on "The Simpsons," will rejoin the show. In May, he said he was leaving.