1. When Jennifer was acting her ass off in Cake.
2. When Angelina was busy being sick as shit in Maleficent.
3. When Jennifer was named one of the 20 richest women in entertainment.
4. When Angelina was appointed as an honorary citizen of Sarajevo after her film In The Land of Blood And Honey raised awareness of the Bosnian War.
"Wonder if Jennifer is aware of my new citizenship."
5. While Jennifer is practicing transcendental meditation every morning.
6. When, after 10 years of service, Angelina was promoted from a UNHCR goodwill ambassador to special envoy to High Commissioner António Guterres.
7. When Jen was busy banging her hot boyfriend.
8. When Angelina was shagging the shit out of Brad Pitt – probably while he was wearing this hat.
9. While Jennifer is planning her wedding to her hot boyfriend.
10. When Angelina was having this beautiful moment with Neema Namadamu, the founder of Maman Shujaa, the "women’s movement for Peace in Congo".
11. While Jen was busy promoting expensive bottled water with her hot, naked body.
12. When Angelina was busy being a fucking badass with Brad Pitt and former British Foreign Secretary William Hague at the Global Summit to End Sexual Violence in Conflict in London.
13. When Jen was busy making crazy money from selling lotion.
14. When Angelina was visiting Colombian refugees in Ecuador as part of her role as a UNHCR special envoy.
15. When Jen did an important Q&A at the American Cinematheque while wearing these glasses.
16. When Angelina stood like this, wearing this dress.
17. When Jen won the Vanguard Award from GLAAD.
18. When Angelina was busy being ordained as an honorary dame by the queen of fucking England.
19. When Jen attended the "Artists For Haiti" fundraiser dinner and hugged Susan Sarandon.
20. When Angelina was smiling and chatting with Eddie Redmayne and then he put his arm around her waist and they smiled for the camera like this.
"Yet another beautiful man that no doubt prefers me, Jennifer."
21. When Jennifer was snubbed for a 2014 Oscar nomination for her performance in Cake.
22. When Angelina was also snubbed for a 2014 Oscar nomination for her film Unbroken.
23. When Jen became an ambassador for the Key to the Cure campaign.
24. When Angelina wrote about her choice to have a double mastectomy in the New York Times in hopes that it would save other women's lives.
25. When Jen got a motherfuckin' star on the fuckin' Walk o' Fame.
26. When Angelina visited displaced refugees in Iraq and then wrote about the levels of suffering both Syrian and Iraqi refugees are experiencing for the New York Times.
27. Anytime Jennifer turns on the TV and a Friends re-run is playing and she's like, "Oh yeah. I'm Rachel fucking Green."
28. Anytime Angelina turns on the TV and a Tomb Raider film is playing and she's like, "Oh yeah. I'm Lara fucking Croft."
29. When Jennifer met Adele, and they held hands like this.
30. When Angie was busy shootin' the shit with the Clint Eastwood because they're buds.
31. When Angelina sits down at the dinner table with her husband who is Brad Pitt and her six children.
32. When Jennifer Aniston wakes up next to Justin Theroux at 10:45am on a Saturday because they have no children and are able to do such things.
