16 Sex Toys That Are Better Than A Boyfriend

    Attention everyone: The vibrators are evolving. Bye, relationships.

    Casey Gueren
    by Casey Gueren

    BuzzFeed Staff

    Want even more ~satisfaction~? Check out the collection of lingerie at Adam & Eve, a ton of bestselling sex toys at Lelo, and a slew of beginner vibrators at Babeland -- plus so much more!

    1. Afterglow Intimate Massager

    Afterglow / Via amazon.com

    This doctor-designed vibrator uses light technology to increase blood flow to your genitals. Plus, it comes pre-programmed with an eight-minute vibrating playlist for your vagina. Penises…don’t do that.

    Get it here for $199.99.

    2. PicoBong Transformer

    PicoBong / Via amazon.com

    This bendy little guy actually knows more positions than your last hookup.

    Get it here for $129.

    3. We-Vibe 4 Plus

    We-Vibe / Via amazon.com

    It's a wearable vibrator that hits your clitoris and your G-spot at the same time. Plus, it comes with an app that you or a partner can control from literally anywhere with Wi-Fi. Can a human appendage give you an orgasm from a mile away? Didn’t think so.

    Get it here for $179.

    4. LELO Siri 2

    LELO / Via click.linksynergy.com

    This handheld vibe knows you don't like distractions when you orgasm. It works with the noise around you (like your sex playlist or that freaking car alarm that won't quit) to help you get off to the beat.

    Get it here for $129.

    5. INA Wave

    LELO / Via click.linksynergy.com

    They made a vibrator that can actually mimic that “come here” finger motion that your partner does to hit your G-spot. So basically, ban men and don't look back.

    Get it here for $199.

    6. Crave Duet 8 GB Luxe

    Crave / Via lovecrave.com

    This toy knows — and accepts — that size doesn’t matter. Also, it doubles as a flash drive, so it’s already more helpful than your last Tinder date.

    Get it here for $219.

    7. LELO Ora 2

    LELO / Via click.linksynergy.com

    DIY oral sex. Good job, science.

    Get it here for $169.

    8. kGoal

    Minna / Via amazon.com

    It’s a kegel trainer that rewards you with vibration. So basically it uses orgasms to encourage you to work out. If your partner did this IRL, you probably wouldn’t be together much longer.

    Get it here for $149

    9. My Secret Screaming O Vibrating Mascara

    The Screaming O / Via amazon.com

    Can some guy fit in your makeup bag and give you an orgasm? Nope.

    Get it here for $14.97.

    10. OhMiBod Blue Motion

    OhMiBod / Via anrdoezrs.net

    Discreet enough to keep in your pants when you’re going to a club…or grocery shopping. Plus, you can record a vibration pattern that was particularly amazing and play it again later. Real genitals just can't be trusted to be that consistent.

    Get it here for $129.

    11. TROJAN Vibrating Multi-Thrill

    Trojan / Via amazon.com

    What has three different sensations and a vibrating bullet? Not a man.

    Get it here for $29.99.

    12. Revel Body SOL Sonic Vibrator

    Revel Body

    It massages, vibrates, and provides underwater suction. This thing is basically an excuse to call out sick from work.

    Get it here for $139.

    Fifty Shades of Grey Official Collection

    Will they ever stop making new and improved versions of the rabbit-style vibe? Probably…when penises come equipped with clitoris-rubbing bunny ears.

    Get it here for $99.99

    14. Screamin’ Demon

    The Screaming O / Via anrdoezrs.net

    It's almost like a tiny little vulva, but with vibrations and horns. Human anatomy kinda can't compete with that.

    Get it here for $17.95.

    15. JimmyJane Form 5

    Jimmyjane

    Who knew your labia actually needed some vibrating TLC, too? Actually, wait, this vibe knew.

    Get it here for $145.

    16. The Ultimate G Vibrator

    The Ultimate G Vibrator

    I mean, come on. Just look at that thing. Penises are running scared just thinking about it.

    Get it here for $49.48

    Disclaimer: This post was mostly* meant to be sarcastic.

    Obviously not everyone WANTS a boyfriend in the first place, and, in a more general sense, human connection is a wonderful and fulfilling thing. But so are machine-powered orgasms. Not to mention, the two don't need to be mutually exclusive. That said, sometimes you just want to do you. And that's also a perfectly acceptable way to spend an afternoon.

    *Excluding No. 13, because holy shit.