Here’s How To Know If You’re Masturbating Too Much

Side effects may include orgasms, feeling awesome, and...what else?

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This week's question:

Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

Hi BuzzFeed!

I've been told there are a lot of health benefits to masturbation, but can you overdo it? Can you "flick the bean" too often?

Thanks!
—K

Hi K! Thanks for sending along your question. To help answer it, we spoke with sex therapist Madeleine Castellanos, author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive. Here's what she had to say:

In general, masturbation is totally normal and healthy and awesome.

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Getting turned on, getting an erection, touching your genitals, having an orgasm — these are all good things. And if they happen on a daily basis, that might actually keep your sex organs running smoothly. "It helps bring blood flow to the tissues and keeps those nerves fresh and firing," says Castellanos. So for the most part, regular sexual activity (with or without a partner) is a good thing.

Whether you're masturbating a few times a week or a few times a day, as long as you aren't hurting yourself, your relationship, or your productivity, carry on!

But, sure, OK, you probably want to practice a little moderation.

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"It's quite difficult to get to the point where you're masturbating too much," says Castellanos. "But if you have any physical damage, if you're rubbing yourself raw, using a great deal of pressure, irritating the skin or things like that, that's a clear indication that perhaps you're masturbating too much or too vigorously." So if there's any discomfort, chaffing, irritation, or pain, lay off your genitals and see if it subsides. You probably already know this, but hey, we're just covering all the bases.

There's also a chance that you can get ~too good~ at masturbating, to the point where you're only able to orgasm that one certain way.

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This can happen to both men and women, and it usually occurs when you're using a lot of force, friction, or stimulation that isn't really replicable with a partner. For instance, you get used to putting a vibrator directly on your clitoris with the highest setting possible, or you jerk off with the same power grip you use in the gym, or you can only get off when you have 30 different porn tabs open.

Here's the problem: Your body and brain can get used to only orgasming from that, says Castellanos. Which is great if your goal is to come on command, but it might make it harder to orgasm under different circumstances — like with a partner...or when you run out of batteries. There's actually a term for this: It's called idiosyncratic masturbatory style, and it can lead to orgasm issues for women or delayed ejaculation for men.

If this happens, you can reverse it by basically retraining your body and your mind to orgasm with different or less stimulation. Most people can do it on their own by masturbating with their nondominant hand, using more lube to reduce friction, slowing down, or shifting their position while masturbating, says Castellanos.

If you have a penis, you also have that whole refractory period to deal with, so masturbating too much could delay your boners.

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This isn't usually a problem for younger people, but as you get older, you tend to have a longer refractory period (the time it takes to get another erection after you've already had an orgasm). The time frame totally varies from person to person and also has to do with how healthy you are, says Castellanos. So if you notice it takes you a while to get going again after you come, you probably won't want to masturbate too soon before you have sex. (Because, manners.)

But vaginas actually don't have a refractory period, so you might feel more aroused and ready for sex after you masturbate. Vaginas FTW.

And finally, if masturbation is interfering with your daily functioning, your relationship, or your sex life, that's a problem.

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The whole concept of "too much" masturbation is a tricky one, because it really depends on the person. You might be able to masturbate three times a day and still have time for your job, life, and relationship. And if that's the case, rock on.

But if you end up neglecting your responsibilities or replacing partnered sex with masturbation, that's probably a bad sign — especially if you find it hard to stop. In this case, you might need to take a look at why you're relying so heavily on masturbation and talk to your partner, a friend, or a sex therapist for help.

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