The End-Ish

Here is my futile attempt at putting into words how the last month of college felt for me. While it's nothing out of the ordinary, I know there's people out there who can relate. And that's what we're kind of all after, anyway, isn't it? To not feel alone.

The end-ish

I've always felt that an important attribute of a writer is the ability to write with anonymity. To be anyone. At any time. To be able to create something for his readers that they couldn't create themselves. I've always tried to make that happen.

But here I am. I'm realizing now, of course way too late in the game, how unbelievably important it is to give credit where credit is due. Like all aspects of my life, if I had figured this out in the proper time span, I wouldn't have wasted four years on someone who I was a Cracker Jack prize to. I wouldn't have suffered through a dumb ass major because I felt like I had to finish what I started. I would've changed so many things. But now I can't. What's done is done and I'm not waiting for some divine miracle to right the wrongs I made.

In three days, I end the chapter to the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I wish I could add in the typical Carly-I-don't-give-a-single-damn mentality, but the sad truth is that I do. I never, not in a million years, expected to have one menial town have such an affect on me. Truth be told, I decided to come to FSU because it was farther away than Gainesville and because the colors were nicer. GOOD REASONING CARLY YOU'RE SO INSIGHTFUL.

So, four years have come and gone. I'm still trying to figure out how, but I made it through rush and believe it or not, some silly sorority decided they not only wanted me, but they were dumb enough to make me their vice president and treasurer, too. Some people decided they wanted me to be their friend, even though I had nothing to bring to the table other than stories about my dog and an amazing ability to literally never sleep. My biggest wish in life is that these people knew how much they did for me. That I would truthfully not even be here if it wasn't for them.

This past year specifically has been weird. I never thought that within a calendar year I'd get pictured on Google Earth mowing my front yard or move to NYC for eight sweaty weeks and inadvertently become a shoe model. I never envisioned getting hit by a car (while running) or traveling to California with the greatest of friends to cry in the Rose Bowl while my Seminoles became national champions. I never thought I'd turn 22 in a situation that seemed pretty damn end-all-be-all, only to later find out that my end-all-be-all was in front of my face the whole time. I never imagined this year being so wonderful, hard, life-altering, and important. I never knew it'd be like this.

So here's to you, St. Jude, Mayo, Make-A-Wish, Bleacher Report, ESPN, Yelp, Wounded Warrior Project, CHLA and Universal. Thank you for telling me I'm not good enough. For nobody every succeeded from adequacy. Nobody ever reached his highest potential from being told he was already great.

And here's to you, Florida State. You've given me the greatest happiness, pain, love and heartbreak I ever could've fathomed. I don't think I could've experienced these highest of highs and lowest of lows anywhere else. I've grown from an awkward and shy 18 year old into an awkward and shy 22 year old, but somewhere along the line I learned to curl my hair and love a little deeper, so I think it was all worth it.

In the words of my soon-to-be alma mater, "at the battle's end she's great." I'm not quite sure who "she" is, and based off of recent findings, it's sure as hell not me. But it came, it went, and while I'm not sure if I'd do it again given the opportunity, I'm so glad it happened.