Carlen Altman
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Moses Delivers Pizza [PIC]
A child's creative use of crayons in a religious coloring book depicting Moses and the 10 Commandments. Perhaps the 11th Commandment should be "Thou Shalt Deliver in 30 Minutes or Less..." (p.s. Hope there's no pepperoni in that pie, brah...)
Before There Was Jersey Shore, There Was ... Bridge and Tunnel (Almost!)
Did you know that before MTV aired The Jersey Shore, they almost aired ANOTHER series about even trashier 20-somethings from Staten Island, titled Bridge and Tunnel? (but mysteriously pulled the plug on the series at the last second?) Why, MTV, why?! I pump my fists with rage over this!
The Most Refreshing TV Theme Song of All-Time
Doesn't listening to this theme song for the original 'Hawaii Five-0' make you feel like you're somewhere super-exciting with great temperature (and not actually stuck in this heat wave in a sweltering office wearing a hat with a tiny fan built in?) WHAT, AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH A HAT FAN ?
Soccer Ball Sex Toy
A great gift for the man who really loves soccer. If this little lady doesn't tickle your fancy, there are always more options. (via)
Pedo-Style
What if you were chatting with someone on OKCupid and they're all like "I love kids too!" and then they showed up on your first face-to-face date wearing one of these shirts? Would you smooch them anyway? I'd at least think about it... Hey, it's hard out there for a single lady!
Supreme White Trash Artistry
A hairdo for the trailer park boss who wants to express his arty side and get in on the joke, too.
Sandra Bullock's Emo Baby
Sandra Bullock's adopted baby, Louis Bardo (pronounced like "Bardot!" Ooh lala, so French and artsy!) is seriously ALWAYS frowning! Cheer up Emo Kid! I smell a hefty trustfund and Hot Topic diaper in your near future, Monsieur Louis!
Jesus Christ Gets Run Over
A gender-confused Jesus Christ the 2nd (or is it 3rd?) complains about getting run over and his/her (it's) difficulties with celebrities such as "the Cosby Show" (?) I am not even sure what this news story is even about, are you? Either way, I love it so. (xo, carlen altman)