1. Journey into uncharted waters aboard a Star Trek cruise.
“Beam me out to sea, Scotty.”
2. Wait for a groundhog.
What are you doing on February 2? Want to wait around for a groundhog to show its face and pretend like it has something to do with the weather? Yeah, me neither.
3. Attend SantaCon.
The next time someone asks you, “Hey, want to spend the day dressed as a jolly fat man beloved by children across the world and do things that would give those same children nightmares?” Just say, “Ho.”
4. Find out who your real friends are…
Over 600 facebook “friends” and only 150 happy birthday wishes… nope… doesn’t add up.
5. Spring cleaning.
You’re allowed to be thankful for only having to do something once a year.
6. Get saucy at La Tomatina.
The only rules the 30,000 brave souls who gather in Buñol, Spain have to follow when they pelt 125,000 kg of tomatoes at each other are: 1) Squish and 2) Throw.
7. Give the ugliest dog in the world a prize.
If we did this with a human it would be wrong.
8. Have it be socially acceptable to be a a sexy [insert esteemed profession here].
It’s still about the candy. The eye candy.
9. Convince people that you should be allowed to handle explosives.
What else is the 4th of July good for anyway?
The only sport in which — no matter the outcome — the winner is you.