1. Long words are for tools. Don’t even bother with them.
Bonus points if your puns make people feel sexually uncomfortable.
3. There are always opportunities for you to drop some rhymes…
…even if you don’t pick up on them every time.
(See what I did there?)
4. When you really want to stress a point, use emphatic hand gestures.
…although you might have to take a few liberties here and there.
6. Knowing a foreign language is the pinnacle of sophistication. Make sure you flaunt your knowledge at all times.
8. If you can’t find what you’re looking for in the dictionary, feel free to get creative.
9. Prove that a well-placed malapropism can’t be topped.
12. Incorporating slang into your vocabulary is a great way to show how cool you are…
…especially if you have someone showing you the ropes.
13. Make idioms your best friend. You will sound wise and profound.
Bonus points for mixed metaphors.