Career Confidential: The District Attorney Paralegal Who Deals With Horny Cops

“The cops can be really inappropriate. They always say things to the men we work with, like, ‘How can you work with these girls? They’re so hot.’” posted on

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I’m a paralegal in the District Attorney’s office in a big city. So we’re responsible for helping out the Assistant District Attorneys, who are young lawyers. But a lot of what we do is interview the cops about the arrests they’ve made.

The cops can be really inappropriate. They’re overly comfortable with us. They always say things to the men we work with, like, “How can you work with these girls? They’re so hot.”

There’s an area outside our office where the cops wait to give us their arrest reports. We call them in one by one, but they’re all sitting in this waiting room. One day, I went in there to call in one of the cops and a few minutes later I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize, saying, “That’s a pretty shirt.” I found out it was one of the cops who asked another cop for my number.

They expect us to do favors for them. When they’re sitting in the waiting room, there’s an order in which we’re supposed to call them, but they try to get us to call them first by bringing us food and coffee.

In the end, there actually are lots of paralegals and lawyers who end up dating cops. There’s a certain camaraderie, but the cops do cross the line often. There’s a cop I barely know who texts me all the time, even when we’re not at work, just to say hello or whatever.

Honestly, although we complain, some of the cops are cute. And a lot of the women like the attention. Personally, I have crushes on the lawyers. The cops, not so much.

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There’s actually a good number of female cops, probably a lot more than you’d expect. They’re definitely not girly girls. There’s only one who wears heels. I think they’re so used to the fact that they’re a small percentage of the people they work with. They try to act very buddy buddy with the guys. I’m a lot closer to the male cops. The female cops definitely try to flirt with the male paralegals and male lawyers, so it does go both ways.

We get out of work at 5 o’clock, so everyone goes to the bar around the corner of the office. There’s some heavy drinking. It’s funny how everybody is so comfortable. There was a big beer pong tournament that everyone went to. It’s pretty fratty.

There’s a certain degree of the whole “Awkward Monday” situation, because everyone goes out so much together. There have definitely been some hook-ups. But we’ve all gotten used to it and we don’t act awkward afterwards. People don’t get so drunk that they’re throwing up, but as I said, we get off work at 5 o’clock, so if you stay out until 11, that’s a lot of time drinking.

At work, what happens is the cops come in with the arrest report after they’ve arrested someone. We interview them to find out what actually happened to help decide what to charge the people with. A lot of times cops will want to charge people with something more serious than is deserved. Sometimes the cops arrest people and there’s not actually anything to charge them with. But the cops take a lot pride in getting their cases prosecuted. It doesn’t look good if every arrest you make is a bad arrest.

A lot of arrests happen in what are called “drug-prone locations,” which are really broadly defined as places that a lot of people might buy drugs, or where drug dealers might be hanging out. We always joke that the whole entire city is a drug-prone location. The one good thing is we really don’t see much racial profiling. There’s a lot less of it than I would have expected.

Our office is also right next to central booking, so we see a lot of the people who’ve been arrested. If you work on a weekend, it’s tons of drunk people. You see a lot of people in high heels or club clothes from the night before, and they’re sitting there in handcuffs. When we write up the arrest reports, the cops tell us exactly what happened leading up to and during the arrest. We always hear about drunk people saying, “Do you know who I am?” as they’re getting arrested.

As told to BuzzFeed Shift.

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