18 Guys You Should Never Date
It can be rough out there. Here’s a guide to all the dudes to avoid.
1. Wake and Bake Guy
Get ready for a lifetime of late-night pizza and breakfast nachos.
2. Twin Bed Guy
GET A FUTON MATTRESS. OR A STRAW PALLET. ANYTHING THAT SLEEPS TWO PEOPLE. YOU DO NOT LIVE IN A DORM ANYMORE.
See also: Gross Bedsheets Guy.
3. Super Busy Guy
“AAAAHHH I’m so sorry, but something literally just came up with work and I have to bail — I know, I know, I am the worst. Things have just been INSANE lately. Can we try for next week? But after Wednesday because I know things are going to be CRAZY for me until then.” Rinse, wash, repeat.
4. Negging Guy
“It’s so cool how you don’t care that much about how you look.”
See also: Undermining Guy.
5. lower case emailing guy
usually means he’s either passive-aggressive or overly emo/twee
6. Sex Tape Making/Emulating Guy
Does not apply if you met in Craigslist Misc Romance.
7. Fantasy Sports Obsessed Guy
One fantasy league at a time is acceptable. Two is questionable. Three or more, goodbye ever doing anything except watching sports!
9. Weird Diet Guy
Enjoy constantly accommodating his diet of nuts, berries and salmon.
See also: “That’s Unhealthy” Guy.
12. Gym Rat Guy
Being fit is one thing. Waking up every day at 5 a.m. to spend two hours lifting is another.
14. Shapewear-Wearing Guy
Yes, the Padded Butt Brief is a thing that exists.
17. Still Lives With Roommates After Age 30 Guy
Just… get your own place. Just do it.
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pajamallama a year agojeez. how’s about obsessed with labeling guys girl? do you really wanna be that person? there’s good and bad in everyone but if you keep categorizing human beings you’ll never learn to see the good in them.
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microphallus a year agomaxim cover girl looks like kirsten wiig. I wish it was her, i could be fapping right now if it was.
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emeraldize324 a year ago
9/18 I’ve experienced. There’s one mire, the Comic Book Collecting guy. Because his obsession will become your burden one day. Trust me.
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ballard1985 a year ago
We shouldn’t judge. We all have our quirks. Find a good guy who treats you right and you are good!
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Cinnamon Broom a year ago
Maxim subscriber — amen! I can’t explain why, but I find Maxim to be more offensive than straight-up porn.
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Jennifer O. a year agoI’ve been dating a “wake and bake guy” for over a year and I could ask for nothing more.
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adubbs a year ago
Maybe these things become more applicable the older you get. A lot of these things, at this point in my life, would be pink flags; issues that warrant a little more investigation into circumstance. Do you live with roommates because times are tough? Or have you never been able to make it on your own? If the latter is the case, it’s completely understandable why a woman who has worked hard to become financially independent would not date “roommate” guy.
There’s nothing wrong with getting to know yourself and setting dating standards. And trust me, for women who have been through the dating wringer, the “you’ll be alone” line sounds more like a sweet promise of peace than a foreboding threat. -
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FlickMontana 4 months ago
No, they’re beneath mention. “Not hitting women” isn’t a “plus”, it’s an absolute basic requirement, up there with “has pulse.”
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