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18 Guys You Should Never Date

It can be rough out there. Here’s a guide to all the dudes to avoid.

1. Wake and Bake Guy

Get ready for a lifetime of late-night pizza and breakfast nachos.

2. Twin Bed Guy

GET A FUTON MATTRESS. OR A STRAW PALLET. ANYTHING THAT SLEEPS TWO PEOPLE. YOU DO NOT LIVE IN A DORM ANYMORE.
See also: Gross Bedsheets Guy.

3. Super Busy Guy

“AAAAHHH I’m so sorry, but something literally just came up with work and I have to bail — I know, I know, I am the worst. Things have just been INSANE lately. Can we try for next week? But after Wednesday because I know things are going to be CRAZY for me until then.” Rinse, wash, repeat.

4. Negging Guy

“It’s so cool how you don’t care that much about how you look.”
See also: Undermining Guy.

5. lower case emailing guy

usually means he’s either passive-aggressive or overly emo/twee

6. Sex Tape Making/Emulating Guy

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

Does not apply if you met in Craigslist Misc Romance.

7. Fantasy Sports Obsessed Guy

One fantasy league at a time is acceptable. Two is questionable. Three or more, goodbye ever doing anything except watching sports!

8. “I Just Ran Out of Condoms” Guy

Via http://Shutterstock

Seriously?

9. Weird Diet Guy

Via http://Shutterstock

Enjoy constantly accommodating his diet of nuts, berries and salmon.
See also: “That’s Unhealthy” Guy.

10. Overly Groomed Guy

Never trust a man with a hair dryer.

11. Underly Groomed Guy

Then again, never trust a man who doesn’t own soap.

12. Gym Rat Guy

Being fit is one thing. Waking up every day at 5 a.m. to spend two hours lifting is another.

13. Always Orders For You Guy

Via http://Shutterstock

MAYBE THE LADY DOESN’T WANT THE STEAK, OKAY?

14. Shapewear-Wearing Guy

Yes, the Padded Butt Brief is a thing that exists.

15. Calls His Mom Every Day Guy

And this will never, ever end.

16. Best Friends With his Ex Guy

Friendly is fine. BFF is weird.

17. Still Lives With Roommates After Age 30 Guy

Just… get your own place. Just do it.

18. Maxim Subscriber

Enough said.

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