The Presidential Announcement Roll-Out

John McCain warns that he’s going to run for President. It’s like the grand entrance on My Super Sweet Sixteen but slightly more anti-climactic. People just don’t care unless you take your sweeeeeet ass time to do something they know you’re going to do anyway. Whoever announces their candidacy in 12 steps or less wins!

Here Are The Top Stories
  • Greece voted "no" on sweeping new austerity measures tied to further bailout funds. Its future in the eurozone is uncertain, and its creditors are unimpressed.
  • The U.S. defeated Japan 5-2 in Vancouver in the final match of the FIFA Women's World Cup. It was the highest scoring final in the history of the tournament ⚽️
  • Captured New York prison escapee David Sweat has been released from hospital and is back in jail.
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