1. French Fries
At a White House dinner in 1806, Thomas Jefferson was said to have eaten “potatoes served in the French manner.” Thank the fried gods for whichever chef decided that regular potatoes just weren’t GOOD enough for the freaking president.
2. Cheese Fries
We may not have had the technology at the time, but even so, it must’ve been fairly clear to 19th-century Americans that all fries really needed was some cheese. And while waffle fries weren’t around yet, it’s also pretty clear that they’re the best type of fries for hosting cheese.
3. Bacon and Cheese Fries
Once there was the very advent of fries at all, it should have become painfully obvious that two things deserved them (other than our mouths): cheese and bacon. Cheese on its own is great — as we’ve discussed — but with bacon, you get the protein you need to make that delicious side into a meal.
4. Chili Cheese Fries
Both parties benefit here. First, chili is already delicious on its own. Second, fries make it easier to deliver said chili into your mouth, as there are multiple ways to attack — fingers, forks, spoons, just go nuts.
5. Sweet Potato Fries
While the majority of the time you probably crave fries for their salty deliciousness, sometimes you need a bit of savory as well. That’s where sweet potato fries come in.
6. Baked Fries
The French fry’s meatier, seasoning-ier, decidedly American cousin, baked fries pack quite a punch. These bad boys are thicker and baked with different types of seasonings, making them taste quite unlike any of their cohorts (but thankfully, still chock-full of good old-fashioned sodium).
7. Ridged Fries
The fry that goes by many names — crinkled, crinkle-cut, ruffled — ridged fries are the “shapes” macaroni of the fry family. There’s just something about having those extra curves that make these fries extra tasty.
8. There was that whole episode with “Freedom Fries.”
…But we don’t talk about that.
9. Disco Fries
There is almost as much lore behind the name “disco fries” as there is gravy ON the fries. The name’s origin likely stems from the fact that they’ve been the go-to “post-party” snack in the Northeast (particularly New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut) because really… what else do you need other than fries topped with melted cheese and steamy gravy after a long night out on the town?
Warning: Approach disco fries with caution. They are best encountered in a bowl and with some kind of eating utensil, because hands are simply not enough.
10. Poutine Fries
The Northeast not north enough for you? Well, it wasn’t for the Québécois, either. Poutine fries are also drizzled in gravy, but instead of melted cheese, they’re accompanied by cheese curds. It might feel a little funky at first, but you’ll get used to those succulent oblong cheeses in no time.
11. Truffle Fries
With time, we grew complacent. We looked upon the types of fries we already had and asked, “Where could we possibly go from here?” The answer lay underground: in truffles. What could be more self-indulgent than frying fries in truffle oil and garnishing them with garlic and parsley? Don’t even THINK about using ketchup on these fries. Ketchup is for peasants. Truffle fries require a two-word-minimum dipping sauce.